Like I said in the physical attraction edition, https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/125464032/posts/1613 , naturally, men are visual when it comes to things of love & romance. We so very much first judge books by their covers. If what he sees gets him attracted to the lady then she’s worth having a go for.
In continuation to the physical attraction, there are those who aren’t just about what she looks like physically, they’re about how sexually she makes him feel. And many of them do end up on the wrong side of the books form the ladies about this.
They factor in how her body features give him that longing desire. Is it something about her face, the ass, the curves, the smile, boobs, the belly flop & love handles you name it that get him feeling the heat? I’d prefer you agree with me that you’ve met men who have said that for a woman to fit their dating criteria, there has to be that sexual connection. That it doesn’t matter what she looks like as long as her sex is 5o shades doper.
Some even go ahead to pick particular body sizes they find fit for the occasion while some do not mind about the size. They first want to go in between the sheets to determine what next for the relationship. If they find the sex is wack then it’s a no no but if the sex is magic then he’ll be keeping her around. Some think the largely endowed women are succulent. That they can gush the Nile if you hit it right & there are those that are turned on by the superstar model sizes & each with their own category will do whatever it takes to get such a woman & many try to make sure their woman (plus women too to themselves) stays looking fly like that so that she doesn’t lose that magic.
However, such men are hard to please & tame & usually they’ll have a string of women in their wake because they’ll always be on the hunt driven by lust & not their commitment to settle down & if a man presents this thinking when he’s dating with you then safe to say that you should turn him down lest the next time we bump into you & ask about how you two are doing, you’ll be labeling men dogs.
It is always a heated topic between both genders concerning money & how it should be handled. In many societies & relationships, the woman expects the man to foot everything financial. & so in most cases, one of the leading causes of relationship failures is financial understanding (or the lack of it) –provide what.
Many relationships have ended especially where the female feels like the man isn’t providing enough for her well-being in every sense of the compound word. I must firstly admit, a man should provide for his woman. The society and somewhere in the Bible (check 1 Timothy 5:8) have talked about this, and when such verses were discovered by women, damn, it’s been rubbed in our faces more than they rub avocado oil in their hair. However, I say that it’s upon the woman to understand the capacities in which her man can provide and be willing to support him where possible (Proverbs 14:1), but I am sure many missed that verse.
I’m sorry but why are women fighting for equal rights, equal pays and equal everything if they’ll still come back home and expect their man to pay for everything? Isn’t that hypocrisy? I read a twitter post from a Nigerian lesbian earlier this week stating that women shouldn’t split the bill on a date with men yet. In her opinion, women should wait until the world is equal before they start sharing the tabs. I thought it was absurd.
Rome surely wasn’t built in a day. Shall we wait until we have the full tuition for a child’s years in school before enrolling him/her to study? Certainly not!
The only problem these days is that many women have used that understanding to heap all their burdens on men as if they didn’t have a life before this man came into the picture. They come into the relationship hoping to earn a living out of it like it’s some of sort of employment to love a man. They trade love for money. Imagine paying someone to love you.
If that’s the case, then women should have no problem being objectified. After all, the reason we spend our hard-earned money on things like luxury cars, gadgets and the likes is so they can serve and/or pleasure us. He who pays the Piper dedicates the tune. Or did I quote it wrongly?
My point is, just as an employer demands that his/her employee delivers according to the contract to earn their wages, women who trade love for money must be ready to keep their end of the bargain.
With a woman having the mentality that her money is hers alone & the man’s is theirs to ‘eat’, no wonder many have landed themselves men with some change to spare but who are quick to use it to fuck & dump them. (Sorry for the French, I am usually English.) But if at all she’s not comfortable with what the man can offer, then she should let it be known & walk away. Keeping around, wasting his time with false hope is a double damage.
It so happens that when the man runs out of funds, he resorts to bailing out of her life, leaving her to cater for the kid(s) by herself because she forgot to acknowledge that a relationship should be a mutual, romantic partnership & not a moneymaking venture. This is not to excuse such men for neglecting their responsibilities, but what do you expect of someone who you only chose to be your poverty eradication scheme or escape plan?
Such men can tell when a woman is only using them and that’s why they, in turn, use their money to get her into their bed just to eat her coochie and dump her. After all, it was an unspoken but well understood business transaction.
Personally, I have no problem with a man providing in a relationship because that’s how things have always been done & that’s what I’ve always told guys; invest in your relationship but it’s only wiser to invest in one where the lady is understanding & supportive. Otherwise, you’ll be crying foul that women are thieves.
However, if we are sticking to how things have always been done, then I’m sorry, but we won’t, can’t and shouldn’t expect any change. And as such, movements like the fight against inequality, racism, discrimination, the rights of the LGBTQIA, and even democracy should be rendered null and void. Don’t ask that men keep taking care of your bills while asking for equal pay. It just doesn’t add up!
Do you know there are girlfriends who expect and demand to be paid on a monthly basis for being… Oh well, girlfriend! And that doesn’t even stop them from requesting for funds to buy bone-straight hairs, red bottom shoes and Fenty beauty products. Eish!
Anyways, relationships have evolved greatly these days especially due to the stretch created by the financial situations. The days of our parents where a man used to marry a woman and keep her at home are long gone. These days women are working too and men are keen on knowing what the woman he wants to make a wife is doing before getting to the ring part. No room for excess, dependent baggage. That’s a C+ for change and I’m so here for it!
Irene, one of my friends whom I am trying to inspire into blogging, had this to say about the topic at hand, “Quite a piece. Do I believe that a relationship is a partnership? Yes hundred percent. But, I believe you can only partner with a person who wants you in their life, someone who sees you as an asset, someone that encourages your initiative, listens to your views, and if they are practical enough, puts them into practice. A man’s money can never be enough and no one can provide for your needs 100 percent. That’s why we as women have to work to complement our men”.
However, let’s not forget there are those men that want their wives to stay home, mind the kids, cook, clean, etc. Such men view their wives getting jobs as a threat to their marriage or relationship, often citing excuses such as other men hitting on her.
The truth is, there are some patriarchal princesses who are pretty cool with this arrangement and really, no one is judging them. I have a friend who just wants to marry a rich man, pop out a few babies, kick back and enjoy her husband’s riches. To each his own.
But such men will provide only the bare necessities while she stays at home growing old, bored & fat before he even realizes. When this happens he will jump out of the relationship or marriage & settle for a younger, hotter chic. Such men exist and as women we need to stay clear of them. Let’s choose partners that want to see us grow & prosper together. Let’s choose partners that encourage us, push us to be our best selves & want to work with us to see our progress together as a family. There is a lot I can write about this but from the financial point of view, this is it for now. Next time I will write about complimenting each other by encouraging & pushing for your partner to be better.
Special thanks to the ladies I worked with on this piece & please do check out their works on the links embedded in this post.
Moving on is one of the hardest decisions ever to be made by man. Moving on from a relationship that you saw as your final deal is as complex as moving back in with an ex who claims to be single. The latter is rather more like a gamble.
Everyone has a first cut & very so much often, people have got stuck here like Nairobi traffic. People will bring up many excuses to fall back. The sex, the money, the feelings. Anything & everything to an extent that they’ll ignore all sound advice just to re-live the moments. I will not say that re-living moments is bad but damn, sometimes moments are not worth re-living especially if you have already moved on to a life where you have other people looking up to you & that, I am, talking about a family. Wife & your children.
They say that sometimes life brings back our exes just to see whether we’re still stupid. Well, not always are every one of our exes evil but usually, some things are better left buried where they lay.
Some guy raised his issue on social media. He said that he bumped into his ex-girlfriend of 10 years ago. They had had a good time at college & then after as she went abroad for further studies, he got married. But as the devil will always want to pull tricks on us, they met again along the walks of life, & she is not married yet, looks hotter & they’ve agreed to go for a date. Ting* Meanwhile, in the space of 10 years, this guy has not only got a wife but kids too & now he’s here tripping that feelings for the first cut have crept up again & now he’s in a state of romantic dilemma.
So this is where I get to ask whether this isn’t lust? I mean you already have a wife & kids & yet here you’re feeling attracted to someone else whose looks you’re already drooling at. That may not be the main problem because naturally, it happens but going ahead to even propose a date? That’s where the devil even dances the more. They say that feelings for anything attractive physically is not love but lust. It makes your hormones boil & you feel restless down there to an extent that you want to get immediately intimate with that person & very so often, once you get in between the sheets then all this ‘magic’ disappears. I don’t even know to where either.
The reason this qualifies to being called lust is because more so often, it is temporary & never has it been worth it at any one bit. It’s never been worth giving away a whole family which deserves the best from you including forgetting your past & moving on as they had done nothing to deserve this sexual promiscuity.
One of the biggest problems lust presents to a family is that the one in lust will start bringing up non issues where they weren’t in the first place. They’ll jump at the slightest err & blow it out of proportion because now they’ve been blinded by the new catch. If bae doesn’t call that day they’ll think he/she’s cheating, they’ll start to think that maybe the sex at home is boring, they’ll blame bae for irrelevant marital issues amongst others all because they’re thinking that now they’ve struck gold. And just like Eve’s encounter with the serpent, they will be manipulated with what looks like the greener pastures so they’ll drop their bird in the hand for what seems like two in the bush only to realize at a latter point in time that damn, they were duped.
What really makes it so hard to instead of spending on this old alien, you take your wife for a treat, be it shopping, a holiday, a dinner date or crazy, romantic hangout instead of frolicking with this woman who’s got nothing to lose (Because it’s you that will be spending on her & she has no relationship or family to lose at her end) while you on the other hand have everything to lose & for how long is it going to be hidden because definitely you’re going to find yourself in situations where you’re going to be creeping around, looking over your shoulder hiding texts, making hideous calls et al?
He even mentioned that he’s been with his wife faithfully through the marital ups & downs for ten years. What kind of currency would he be paying her & their three children that would love to be in a united home?
The white man has a saying that goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” & it’s because of this that I think it is an ugly truth that some relationships are held together because the couple spends less time together. They step out in the morning to go work & meet in the evening tired & looking forward to the next day so a short time later, they are sleeping & so the cycle continues. This creates a vacuum between them to be with each other. A loneliness & longingly to be with someone.
With this space, they try to maximize the littlest free time trying to enjoy each other’s attention. They may spend the day fantasizing about or texting lovely stuff to each other because of that void & there’s always that excitement a couple gets when they meet for that limited time usually supplemented by outings, movie nights & what not. In this way, exposure to each other’s flaws is limited.
But now, when everyone is expected to be in home so as not to catch the deadly virus but with unlimited time & access to each other’s personalities, the awkward behavior & the little bits that nag are eventually to be manifested.
People are confined in the same house with limited entertainment, the woman has no reason to wear makeup, the guy’s silly habits like not washing his boxers yet he’s around the whole day doing nothing are going to probably nag the woman, or his realization that she can’t actually cook is going to shock him. Maybe the reduction of money is going to cause frustration & you know what happens to so many relationships when that happens. Probably one has been tripping & now they’re going to be away from those people that have been getting their juices flowing outside the relationship & that may set in the mood swings. The couple is now going to be interacting for longer times & one will eventually realize how actually dumb their partner is through the discussions etc. The Covid-19 lock down relationship survival is all going to be dependent on how deeply, truly & transparent the relationship is…& God’s blessings too otherwise the breakup & divorce offices are going to be one hell of busy places once this is all over.
It is always a good moment of love to me. Seeing that there are people celebrating love despite all this chaos going on around us. Today, browsing through my news feeds, I am loving watching couples post away, deep in love. Eating out, having a great outdoors, hanging with friends, movies, goofing or geeking around. Those mirror selfies. It is always romantic & lovely to me seeing couples walking into shops, restaurants, malls or on the streets loving themselves. Eavesdropping on some of their conversations as they are talking love to each other gives peace to my soul.
Ignoring the wars, pandemics, slave trade, coups & all the noise, that there are some people who are enjoying their moment without caring of the level of PDA they are exhibiting.
But then there is the dark side of those who always hate on it. Who fail to ask themselves or lay down the criteria of what pictures one ought to post. There’s no award ever given for the posts that you share that they’re the best. Unless of course if you’re running for some photographers award competition. If you do not want to share love with your partner then that’s your problem. Let those who want to do so do it. If you’re not happy of them at least that’s you. There’s always those that will be happy of theirs. If you don’t want people to post of their lovers, what do you want them to post? The toilet?
If you snatched your partner from someone else & you fear the back clash, sorry. If they’re ugly A.F, sorry. If your family isn’t happy of your choice, sorry. If you’re an introvert about such stuff, sorry. Let those that are not make the noise. We should always have a reason to celebrate & love is always up there on the list. You feel at liberty to post soccer updates, inspiration posts or awkward filtered pictures so why be hateful of those celebrating their love online? It’s a free world & love is the greatest thing to happen to man. Let’s celebrate it when we can.
Even though sometimes eternity cannot be guaranteed in our love lives but by the fact that at that moment it exists, let’s be free to celebrate it. Even in the open.