Tag: #money

On Provision In A Relationship

It is always a heated topic between both genders concerning money & how it should be handled. In many societies & relationships, the woman expects the man to foot everything financial. & so in most cases, one of the leading causes of relationship failures is financial understanding (or the lack of it) –provide what.

Views presented below are a collab by Shadray, the amazing Gelax Bolaji of https://gelaxchatroom.com from Nigeria & Irene Ahumuza https://www.facebook.com/irene.ahumuza of Uganda.

Many relationships have ended especially where the female feels like the man isn’t providing enough for her well-being in every sense of the compound word. I must firstly admit, a man should provide for his woman. The society and somewhere in the Bible (check 1 Timothy 5:8) have talked about this, and when such verses were discovered by women, damn, it’s been rubbed in our faces more than they rub avocado oil in their hair. However, I say that it’s upon the woman to understand the capacities in which her man can provide and be willing to support him where possible (Proverbs 14:1), but I am sure many missed that verse.

I’m sorry but why are women fighting for equal rights, equal pays and equal everything if they’ll still come back home and expect their man to pay for everything? Isn’t that hypocrisy? I read a twitter post from a Nigerian lesbian earlier this week stating that women shouldn’t split the bill on a date with men yet. In her opinion, women should wait until the world is equal before they start sharing the tabs. I thought it was absurd.

Rome surely wasn’t built in a day. Shall we wait until we have the full tuition for a child’s years in school before enrolling him/her to study? Certainly not!

The only problem these days is that many women have used that understanding to heap all their burdens on men as if they didn’t have a life before this man came into the picture. They come into the relationship hoping to earn a living out of it like it’s some of sort of employment to love a man. They trade love for money. Imagine paying someone to love you.

Courtesy of Gelax herself

If that’s the case, then women should have no problem being objectified. After all, the reason we spend our hard-earned money on things like luxury cars, gadgets and the likes is so they can serve and/or pleasure us. He who pays the Piper dedicates the tune. Or did I quote it wrongly?

My point is, just as an employer demands that his/her employee delivers according to the contract to earn their wages, women who trade love for money must be ready to keep their end of the bargain.

With a woman having the mentality that her money is hers alone & the man’s is theirs to ‘eat’, no wonder many have landed themselves men with some change to spare but who are quick to use it to fuck & dump them. (Sorry for the French, I am usually English.) But if at all she’s not comfortable with what the man can offer, then she should let it be known & walk away. Keeping around, wasting his time with false hope is a double damage.

It so happens that when the man runs out of funds, he resorts to bailing out of her life, leaving her to cater for the kid(s) by herself because she forgot to acknowledge that a relationship should be a mutual, romantic partnership & not a moneymaking venture. This is not to excuse such men for neglecting their responsibilities, but what do you expect of someone who you only chose to be your poverty eradication scheme or escape plan?

Such men can tell when a woman is only using them and that’s why they, in turn, use their money to get her into their bed just to eat her coochie and dump her. After all, it was an unspoken but well understood business transaction.

Personally, I have no problem with a man providing in a relationship because that’s how things have always been done & that’s what I’ve always told guys; invest in your relationship but it’s only wiser to invest in one where the lady is understanding & supportive. Otherwise, you’ll be crying foul that women are thieves.

However, if we are sticking to how things have always been done, then I’m sorry, but we won’t, can’t and shouldn’t expect any change. And as such, movements like the fight against inequality, racism, discrimination, the rights of the LGBTQIA, and even democracy should be rendered null and void. Don’t ask that men keep taking care of your bills while asking for equal pay. It just doesn’t add up!

Do you know there are girlfriends who expect and demand to be paid on a monthly basis for being… Oh well, girlfriend! And that doesn’t even stop them from requesting for funds to buy bone-straight hairs, red bottom shoes and Fenty beauty products. Eish!

Anyways, relationships have evolved greatly these days especially due to the stretch created by the financial situations. The days of our parents where a man used to marry a woman and keep her at home are long gone. These days women are working too and men are keen on knowing what the woman he wants to make a wife is doing before getting to the ring part. No room for excess, dependent baggage. That’s a C+ for change and I’m so here for it!

Irene, one of my friends whom I am trying to inspire into blogging, had this to say about the topic at hand, “Quite a piece. Do I believe that a relationship is a partnership? Yes hundred percent. But, I believe you can only partner with a person who wants you in their life, someone who sees you as an asset, someone that encourages your initiative, listens to your views, and if they are practical enough, puts them into practice. A man’s money can never be enough and no one can provide for your needs 100 percent. That’s why we as women have to work to complement our men”.

However, let’s not forget there are those men that want their wives to stay home, mind the kids, cook, clean, etc. Such men view their wives getting jobs as a threat to their marriage or relationship, often citing excuses such as other men hitting on her.

The truth is, there are some patriarchal princesses who are pretty cool with this arrangement and really, no one is judging them. I have a friend who just wants to marry a rich man, pop out a few babies, kick back and enjoy her husband’s riches. To each his own.

But such men will provide only the bare necessities while she stays at home growing old, bored & fat before he even realizes. When this happens he will jump out of the relationship or marriage & settle for a younger, hotter chic. Such men exist and as women we need to stay clear of them. Let’s choose partners that want to see us grow & prosper together. Let’s choose partners that encourage us, push us to be our best selves & want to work with us to see our progress together as a family. There is a lot I can write about this but from the financial point of view, this is it for now. Next time I will write about complimenting each other by encouraging & pushing for your partner to be better.

Special thanks to the ladies I worked with on this piece & please do check out their works on the links embedded in this post.

Why Would You Even Hate Social Media PDA?

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It is always a good moment of love to me. Seeing that there are people celebrating love despite all this chaos going on around us. Today, browsing through my news feeds, I am loving watching couples post away, deep in love. Eating out, having a great outdoors, hanging with friends, movies, goofing or geeking around. Those mirror selfies. It is always romantic & lovely to me seeing couples walking into shops, restaurants, malls or on the streets loving themselves. Eavesdropping on some of their conversations as they are talking love to each other gives peace to my soul.

Ignoring the wars, pandemics, slave trade, coups & all the noise, that there are some people who are enjoying their moment without caring of the level of PDA they are exhibiting.

But then there is the dark side of those who always hate on it. Who fail to ask themselves or lay down the criteria of what pictures one ought to post. There’s no award ever given for the posts that you share that they’re the best. Unless of course if you’re running for some photographers award competition. If you do not want to share love with your partner then that’s your problem. Let those who want to do so do it. If you’re not happy of them at least that’s you. There’s always those that will be happy of theirs. If you don’t want people to post of their lovers, what do you want them to post? The toilet?

If you snatched your partner from someone else & you fear the back clash, sorry. If they’re ugly A.F, sorry. If your family isn’t happy of your choice, sorry. If you’re an introvert about such stuff, sorry.
Let those that are not make the noise. We should always have a reason to celebrate & love is always up there on the list. You feel at liberty to post soccer updates, inspiration posts or awkward filtered pictures so why be hateful of those celebrating their love online? It’s a free world & love is the greatest thing to happen to man. Let’s celebrate it when we can.

Even though sometimes eternity cannot be guaranteed in our love lives but by the fact that at that moment it exists, let’s be free to celebrate it. Even in the open.

Why Society Loves To Hate Slay Queens. Literary.

I would like to assume that by now, everyone knows who a slayer is. Particularly, a slay queen. But for a few of those who have been living in the days of Nebuchadnezzar, slayers are the latest kind of people who are living life in the fast lane. They walk around with the coolest gadgets, hang out in the baddest joints, always involved in the juiciest relationship drama, have a massive following on their Social Medias and always looking good in the latest fashion trends that there is. Not like that coat of many colors ish that Samuel’s mother made in your days. Nope. These guys, some are even literary walking around naked. They have the latest fashion some before it even hits the main stream market. Yeah. They are that fast lane kind.

But living all these kind of lives, they are as well embroidered in a world of hate and competition. Money and body and blood. Envy and loath. It is not a smooth sailing as they try to be relevant. Straining hard to be in our faces. Or other people’s beds. Like the word says ‘slay’. There are many who want to slay them and these are the reasons why I think so.

Party and Travel

Everyone has their favorite artists, band, movie, event or entertainment act. A dream place to go. That swanky restaurant, club, hotel, beach. People they would love to see play or act or anything of the sort. But usually, sometimes, even with jobs that pay us on a regular, we may just fail to have the money or the time to attend to these things or have no access to go hangout with them. But here comes this girl who has no steady job, still a student or is always usually hanging out and you are asking yourself where her money comes from and she is here taking pictures attending that event that you have always wanted to go to yet for you who works at a steady job with steady income and is older and seems to be having your life figured out already but you cannot attend these things. How?

Do you know how you can be on social media throwing DMs at everything that is pointing at that event that is going? It makes headlines with its insane lineup of artists and media coverage and crazy international artists and sponsored by big brands and the tickets are up and you cannot afford them? The latest phones that the tech slays are tweeting about and stuff? People filling their Instas with pictures of the latest events and you are their looking like cursed? Yes. These slayers already got the tickets. Do not ask where some and how they got them. You really do not want to know.

Love/ Sex/Booty

One of the things that slay queens stocked up on is the booty. A major weakness for man. Whether small or big, these girls just know how to flaunt it. They have the most killer poses that glow up the internet. No wonder they are called lit. Their photos are always getting those magnanimous likes. They make everything about them seem sexy and presumably make their sex seem like it is the best thing you will ever have when she serves it to you. This has made many men become slaves to them. One picture and he is dreaming of her all day. She can send him a peep pic and locks his senses out of his head for a long time. He may as well end up serving her his entire bank balance. One pic will always get them a million inboxes from guys. Slay queens have always depicted the image of sex queens. Sex goddesses and this has made them a threat to many loyal, ordinary girlfriends. Always scared that their guys are having a moment with these girls. They always think it is some alien sex going down and because sex has usually been a big factor in many relationships.

Gadgets

If it’s not the latest iPhone it is some other crazy gadget that an ordinary me only stops to look at on the streets. Window shopping. These girls have them as their own. Mainly I think for the camera. Cheap phone cameras are crap and their memories can’t handle all the apps that make them look lit. Snapchat, photo filter apps and editors. They carry phones as big as billboard screens.

Looking good

You see, everyone wants to look good. Everyone wants to front an appearance where they look so stunning everyone else should look on in awe. Who does not want to bump into their ex looking fire or their enemies looking like they never fazed, really? So these looks that everyone is admiring to have and the latest clothes that make people want to break through street windows are donned by the slayers. These guys always dress to the nine. The latest bags, designer. The latest kicks. Designer. The suits, the shades everything. Like Brisna, It is always on point. The haircut and hair style on point. The lip works, facials, manicure and pedicure glossy.

Money

People usually say slay queens are broke. That it is because of this they are compensating with all that splashing. That is why they will always look out for those men that got the moneys to alleviate them from poverty. Dude, if your bank account ain’t dripping then they ain’t a go area for you. You gonna curse. Maybe that is the reason they usually go for married men because since marriage these days is not for the broke, the targeted married men got the money and because many marriages are not running smoothly these days, they know these married men are out looking for fresh blood and they’re willing to pay to have it. So, these girls just play the cards right. And after getting these moneys, with their poor investment skills, they will go and spend it like crazy. Well, after all they sweated for it. If you know what I mean. Man shall eat off his sweat. Amen!

Pimp Your Bae

Pimp Your Bae

There was this incident when Bebecool. Munene munene. Bba wa Zuena. Her knicker merchant, just when he’d started off on a good mark in like over a decade, killed it somewhere. Again. This war, started by fans was just too hard for either Bebe or Bobi to ignore. Much as Bobi Wine winning the parliamentary seat had shifted their beef to parallel grounds. That he is now a politician and Bebecool stayed an artist, the fans (Bobi’s) could not let it just slide like that and soon social media was kicked into a debate of who is now better than who.

Obviously the ultimate winner would be a reaction from either one of them for being Bebecool, the guy took the bait. As usual he came through on Facebook, with a very gorgeous photo of his woman (Who is always lit anyways) and among all things he addressed was how he’s now the remaining king of Uganda’s music industry and how this has helped him provide for his family & about how people were comparing his wife to Bobi’s and the biggest winner was of how it’s his role to make sure that his woman looks good so as to keep turning him on and included buying her knickers every week in the post. Yes, you read that right.

And with that line social media blazed. He was trolled. He was trolled so much he must be owning that record in Uganda. But really, who does that? Which kind of man starts bragging of how he buys knickers for bae? I bet Zuena must be one of the most tolerant women in Uganda.

I mean to be with a guy who publicly declares you a sex object? In this era of women activists? Cheii! Like his wife’s sole purpose is to satisfy his horn? At first, yours truly, I trolled him. Social media didn’t spare him. It had a carnival on him. His fans tried to level for him naye wapi. Trust Ugandans when they get a lead on you.

But when you take a closer look at his words and reflect on them, his post made sense. This is how.
Despite a poor presentation of his point, I think Bebecool was right. On a serious note, how one’s partner appeals to them sexually is a big factor in sustaining a relationship especially these days. Where people don’t marry each other just because some elders out there matched them.

Everyone wants their partners to look like they just walked off a Hollywood photo shoot. Like stunners. Many relationships have failed simply because one of the people are no longer looking lit as before. We fall in love usually because of first appearance. How someone looks like, smells like, styles themselves up & stuff & yet if you don’t wanna keep them looking dope when you have got them then what else? Invest. Those things of falling in love with the heart first usually work for bazungu, even to them it is a minimum these days. otherwise we wouldn’t be having botox all over the place.

What is it if you can’t get turned on by your partner? Isn’t that what would lead to infidelity? Looking for someone sexier to satisfy your horny issues? If that happens then what else has the relationship got to stand for?

One way we can sustain that is by investing in our partners. We all get that extra credit when people complement our partners & praise us for keeping up that look so unless you invest in it & make sure your partner always appeals to you, you may find yourselves in a different kind of relationship.

It’s said that if your partner (esp. the babe) looks good without your input then my brother, you may possibly not be the only one eating that sushi. These streets got wise sayings.

Man Eateth Where He Investeth. Communism Ended, In Came Capitalism

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So many girls these days have asked, “Is there any guy that can take you out or give you money without asking for sex?”

It is a very common question and provides the backbone for today’s article.

Yes, we are there, we are the least in today’s world. In fact, you may need a microscope to fish us out. Why? Because the world has changed. Because the world has moved away from communism. Society, people are no longer for “for us all” but each for themselves.

I remember the days when our parents and their parents (our grandparents) would tell us of their glory days when they would be visited by their elders in their kombis or beetles, Volkswagens or 504s and taken to their homes for holidays. Goats, chickens and cows were slaughtered for the visitors. They claim of how their parents were always in love with each other. Blood was thicker.  When children were raised as a village. When if a kid did mischief somewhere, it would either receive a beating there and then or get reported back home and the parents would (usually) extend with the disciplining, It was always assured.

Then came our elder siblings and their hustle stories of how they would trek through the streets of Kampala. Hungry, thirsty, rugged and sun scorched just to go to their uncle’s or aunties’ shops and offices and were given transport or lunch money with big smiles and promises for more the next time. They would claim of how they were passing through the neighborhood and decided to drop by to say ‘hi’. Opportunistic little bastards. These people always spoke of the old days with admiration, love and pride. Those days when things were given freely. Strings attached? Hardly heard of.

Those days when relatives would get or second you for a job opportunity without making you go through all the hustle of bench marking or asking themselves why you do not attend the same church with them or anything personally incriminating. It was always that. Free and no worries of how you were going to pay them back because they always did it from their heart or for the family.

But now we are in the 2000s. Millennials. All that has changed. There is hardly any relative to run to when we need transport in town. Unless you make an appointment with any one, there is no way you are going to walk your sweat soaked morphology into anyone’s office mbu you were passing by and decided to check in. It all stopped. Times are tough.

Everyone at this moment seems to have moved on from that together for all system. Everyone now is taking care of their business. People are no longer putting money where they are not getting gains from. Probably because, the resources are few and the population is just too much. Competition is real. Probably because, there is no longer time to waste. I do not know but that is it. I think.

Everyone wants to direct resources where they will be benefitting. Guys no longer see it worth as to why a woman would chew his money over lunch or dinner dates, foot for her her rent, buy her nice gifts, do her school work, chauffer her around and all that just for hugs, thank yous and handshakes. The sake of ‘just for just.’ Pshh. C’mon.

For this kind of scenario, I do to know where it originated from but my assumption is that the women brought it on themselves. Many of them simply ate so much of the guys’ money and after sometime they disappeared. Poof! Without a trace. They simply got tired of the guy and decided to get lost. Just like that. Mr. nice guy dumped just like that. What about the stuff he had ‘injected’ in her? Also gone just like that. Loss.

And I think that explains for the rest of the other mentioned situations. People were connected to jobs and all but soon as they got there, they disappeared, started acting up, some underperformed, never stepped up to help those who helped them in their time of need. The world just got fed up. Giving a pass to someone you know has become tricky. People are un appreciative out there. Frienemies, it is what they are called nowadays. It takes real love, blood or religious conviction to throw passes otherwise, what are the result of all the help thrown around when it largely goes unnoticed or when there are those that would really show gratitude?

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