Tag: love

Day Six of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021. Body-Shaming & Stereotyping

Day 6 here and I about the body-shaming character of our society.

She was a young, small, beautiful girl. Very happy in her petit form. Everyone called her a model. She flaunted and celebrated life in her slimness. To the nursery school, she went, fat people were bullied. All sorts of names were thrown at them. Pigs, gluttons, fatso et al. the clothes were even cheap and easy to find by her mother. She was the flower girl and maid to so many events. She played an angel in her school plays.

But then she joined a mixed high school and the scale tilted. The boys in her school had differing tastes. Some fancied those abundantly endowed at certain parts of their bodies and those that are her size. Slim. What they called figure one. The former, figure eight, hour glass and so forth. It was so many a guy’s dream, to have the flyiest girl in school. The one with the biggest assets or the most curling curves. A many African guy’s definition of a sexy woman and many a time associated with being gashing or squirty. If you know what I mean. Competition to be noticed was always stiff. Your beauty, attitude and skills had to stand for you. Your body, that one automatically spoke for itself.

From high school, she went to higher institutions of learning which is just as well the entrance to adulthood and it just got worse. From girls in her class to adverts and social media, the girls with curves were always celebrated. They got the most whistlers from men in the club, on the streets, even lecturers themselves. Girls in so many music videos were those with the body, the lyrics glorified them. It felt like abandonment. Everywhere, they were given the first choices. And because they were the target of most men, they were the ones with the coolest clothes, latest phones and trends.

The body shape field had tilted immensely now. Her skinniness was now being questioned. It was at worst moments attributed to strange diseases. Stereotypes always came up. That small girls had HIV/AIDS, were sicklers and many others while the big girls were always thought to be healthy. That, “how one could be having a disease yet still maintain that look? Shaa. Impossible” and the guys went in. It was devastating.

And then came the money makers. The business men who had seen this trend and brought on to the market creams, body pads, operations and pills for women to enhance their bodies did not help the matter in any way. In fact, they made it worse. The field turned desperate. Many more and more females went for these and soon, the smallest of the girls were getting bigger and were reaping the ‘benefits’. More men and sexual advances with the offers they brought with the demands. The bonuses that came with having booty changed a lot of a girl’s life.

The small ones felt left out. Those who could not afford these felt the world had turned against them. The big booty girls were running the show. With the way they flaunted their curves, the way they dressed, the way they slayed it on social media and the media offers they got to feature in so many media ads. The men adored them, they worshiped the booty. Those who held influence in offices had places offered to the juicy ones. It was that bad. The field could no longer accommodate the small ones. It was a social annihilation. And then the white man has made Samantha the sex doll and it is the same noticeable thing about it. The booty is voluptuous.

But I only wish they knew that not all men are after the booty but the beauty. Maybe the inner beauty and that actually everyone has someone who loves them the way they are. I hope our society corrects that. Everyone deserves to be loved the way they appear. Men should also know this.

Day 5 Of The Afrobloggers #WinterABC2021What Should be the Mood For Social Media?

Do not post your issues on social media”. It is childish to put your problems out there. Find a way to address them”. This is advocacy & activism week of the #winterABC2021 & we’re post to be standing up for something. Today I am standing up for those who personally & or physically have no one to talk to but social media & against those who always find amusement in shutting them down.
We have come across posts of this kind in our different Social Media. Where people are dictating on others about what to post yet I have never seen it recommended anywhere when I am opening accounts on any social media that “Thou shall only post content where thee are happy so that you can please they? Have you? If you have, please send me the screenshot, the link. I need to be woke.


Therefore, I have come to realize that we our very own selves are the ones that are fueling the depression that we keep trending around. We are the ones that keep asking where humanity is headed to yet we are the ones that keep fuelling it low key. Why are we forcing people to keep up with a lifestyle that they cannot afford? Borrowing clothes to look lit, forcing to hangout in places where they cannot afford to be. Girls sleeping for
tickets to events just to keep up appearances. Like as if there is a prize for having the flyest social media account on line.


How can someone come out seeking help and the best we can do is to tell them that it is childish to bring forth our ‘dark’ issues online. That they are best resolved off of the internet. I thought it’s called social media for a reason not please me media. How does that even work? Where are our hearts? Where is our humanity? The world is destroying itself slowly by slowly. People on suicide through depression and we’re telling people that when they post their issues they are childish? When people come out for help and we tell them that it is childish, so when are we going to help them? What is a mature person supposed to post? I need a memo. Are we even intending to help them? Are we even worthy of being friends? If you cannot help someone then shut the fuck up, scroll away and ignore. You may just as well unfriend them and keep the happy lot that are
entertaining you on your TLs.

Depression is a killer and when someone comes out depressed them you say it ain’t real.
People are out there depressed. People are out there suffering. People are out there fighting their demons and instead of bringing them closer, we are busy calling them childish? Maybe before someone friends you you should tell them to also keep it sunny.


Just because you can silently afford to handle your issues silently doesn’t mean anyone else can. Just because you have contacts that at one click away can help you out doesn’t
mean any one else does. We are not at the same point in life. We do not have the access to the same resources, cool friends and supportive families. Nope. We are different. And so by the time someone comes out for help then it is deep. Then it is real. People are
suffering. People are desperate. People are hurting. People are abused, bruised and stripped. Cheated. Betrayed. People are depressed.
We are destroying ourselves. We are destroying humanity. Discrediting it. So unless we listen and offer some help, we should just shut the fuck up and stop talking about depression any way. Are you the social media police officer in charge of happiness?
For this matter, if you are out there depressed and need someone to listen to you, you can hit me up in my DM. I may not be in position to help you financially or physically but I will listen and talk to you best way I can. I hear “You’re posting childish”. Fuck
you. Yes I am pissed so bad I am boiling. God.

It Must Have Been Love

It Must Have Been Love…When I saw you first & sought you out.
When I knew your flaws & ignored them. Never used them against you. For I was looking at the bigger picture. Of course, that’s of me & you.
I’d looked into my future & placed you there. For what is eternal love if I only wanted to live it for that moment? I saw you in my lifetime. For that is love if I can keep it for a life time.

It must have been love. When I kissed your lips & let myself drown in your
romance. Damn. How my heart sank with emotion for how I longed to be swept away with romance, to hear those words. Their depth. Their meaning. The faith they spring. A beacon of hope. Their sincerity. Their effect on a heart that’s longing to be loved. Mine.

It must have been love when I defended your mistakes. How I gave allowance to time thinking you’d change. A hope to things going back to how they post to be. I thought your errors were to be corrected & as blind as they say love is, my eyes failed to see the end of things till it was too late & now what I thought was true love is over. Roxette.

Men Falling In Love (1): Physical Attraction Edition.

Naturally, men are at first contact, visual when it comes to things of love & romance. If what he sees gets him attracted to the lady then she’s worth having a go for. Usually, first rule to getting to choose a female is dependent on how she physically attracts him & how she uses those physical aspects to keep him interested. The face, the hair, the ass, the curves, the smile, boobs. You name it. How she uses them when she’s walking, talking, smiling, touching then comes into play. Unfortunately, some women are gifted with great curves & legs but walk like ducks. Some are gifted with great lips & teeth but laugh & talk like SpongeBob. In this case, there are men who feel that they can’t go for a woman who will get the world questioning what the hell he was thinking to go for such a woman.

After that physical attraction feeling has been created then he’d go further to know what lies beneath. “Okay, this girl looks angelic & all but what is her thinking capacity? How does she reason? What are her interests? How does she handle money? How does she cook?” Etc.  Therefore it now comes to revolving on how she reasons, thinks, interests etc. & if he’s turned off from that stage then he’d probably conclude that that is wasted beauty & he’ll retreat. 

That’s why you’ll get many men saying that “The first time I saw you blah blah blah” & not “Before I even saw you, your intellect struck me telepathically.” This isn’t the Joseph, Mary & the Holy Spirit era.

That’s why so many women with a prospect of hooking up mind about turning up dripping hot & not with their degrees or other professional attributes pinned on them as first impressions because they know the power of first impression in attraction. The commotion this situation causes among men excites a lot of women & that’s why many end up flaunting it everywhere with catchy captions on their social medias. Captions that seek to get validation from the male species. 

However, the initial physical attraction factor is something many women have failed to understand & when you tell that to them, they’ll think you’re perverted & only flirting, simply running after their southern parts. You can’t blame them though because it’s a common occurrence & this now is the stage where the man has to actually prove his intensions. Like the same way we can’t understand some feminine issues like the magnitude of menstrual pains, they can’t understand some ways of a man either & we’re supposed to peacefully coexist with that.  

Blessings Of Loving A Broken One.

From collaborative words driven by Benjamin Watch & a feature of the beautiful Louisa…Imagine drinking from broken glass or eating from a broken plate, if it were to happen successfully then it would need a certain amount of care……………So long as she loves in her own way, and accepts to be loved at her own pace of a broken soul I don’t care if she doesn’t want an official marriage or even the prospect of kids, I am fine with her. Broken things are not for an imperfect man to fix. Love can fit and come out from any sort of crack. We are all broken in some form.

If you have been to Benjamin WATCH Blog before you can figure out which exact blog post the words or portion I and my two friends are building on. No, I will not be providing the link to the piece. When I put out a tweet asking for someone to work with on this post, Louisa from Malawi and ‘I Marvin’ from Uganda honored the call. So here we go on the positives for loving broken souls.

“We are all broken”, they say in some aspect. But that is more of a coating that can come off as an insult to someone who has really been broken by the past. The world is an ugly place that anything can break people, from careers to romantic love to family backgrounds. Imagine telling a lady or gentleman who was sexually assaulted in the past by those they loved that we are all broken. It would be cold of you. Broken people are seen to be unsteady and unreliable especially when it comes to relationships in their lives. Being in their lives seems draining and it really is but it can have a side to it, and it does.

Broken people live in pieces and bits that may never come together again but that is one of their many refinements. They can effortlessly share themselves with you if you try so hard to get close to them. The fact that they give love a chance after going through whatever broke them is a testament that they have enormous love deep in them, it is as though they don’t fear love. They sometimes “over-over” since their care for those that take interest in their flaws is beyond normal.


Broken people are the nicest beings at living in the moment and they make the moment wonderful since they know they are volcanoes with not much time. The way they love if they are to is special, they love the heaviest and are precious at it. They can be sunshine on a rainy day. Broken people know what it means to love since they have been hurt in the past.

If you want to feel like or even be a superhero, love a broken soul, the adventure of handling a time bomb in a person can be a thrill. An extreme sport of a kind. They will bring out the best in us because we are careful not to incite the demon in them. Sometimes it’s beautiful to when you wait on a broken soul to start loving you back because they take forever to.

The most important thing you need is Patience. Patience is what makes you understand them, and gives you hope that they will come around. Most will have the Wall of China built around their heart, to protect them from the evil outside. Instead of acting like a tourist, be a wall guard. Be there to guard their hearts just like they do it.

See, there is something beautiful in broken. The most beautiful of vases are those that broke and the pieces were glued back together. A tale of hope and restoration, a desire to hold on. Like glue. The scars show strength to hold it together. And though they will push you back, and make it seem like you are the reason they are broken; know that deep inside, they are fighting with themselves over the emotions they feel. The desire to be free from the broken past and a taste of freedom to give love and be loved back in equal or even more measures. To be able to live life and create new memories with someone that won’t mind the scars on them but sees the special in them all over again. A silver lining on the horizon.

It’s your role to show them this positivity and to assure them that all will be well. Be their knight in shining armor that they been waiting for. To the last drop be there, be patient, be loving.


Louisa is a Malawian poet, art lover & blogger. You can Follow her journey, thoughts and craziness through her blog posts. https://thelouisamsiska.com/
Find her work here


Benjamin is from Uganda & he’s constantly ‘Questioning the question.’ A very spirited promoter of creative creators across this rock we inhabit called Africa. He’s intuitive work can be found here https://musanjufukavubu.wordpress.com/

I must admit I was excited to do a writing collab this year & this opportunity was totally amazing. Please do check out the links provided for these people have amazing works that will keep you thirsting for more.