“Do not post your issues on social media”. It is childish to put your problems out there. Find a way to address them”. This is advocacy & activism week of the #winterABC2021 & we’re post to be standing up for something. Today I am standing up for those who personally & or physically have no one to talk to but social media & against those who always find amusement in shutting them down. We have come across posts of this kind in our different Social Media. Where people are dictating on others about what to post yet I have never seen it recommended anywhere when I am opening accounts on any social media that “Thou shall only post content where thee are happy so that you can please they? Have you? If you have, please send me the screenshot, the link. I need to be woke.
Therefore, I have come to realize that we our very own selves are the ones that are fueling the depression that we keep trending around. We are the ones that keep asking where humanity is headed to yet we are the ones that keep fuelling it low key. Why are we forcing people to keep up with a lifestyle that they cannot afford? Borrowing clothes to look lit, forcing to hangout in places where they cannot afford to be. Girls sleeping for tickets to events just to keep up appearances. Like as if there is a prize for having the flyest social media account on line.
How can someone come out seeking help and the best we can do is to tell them that it is childish to bring forth our ‘dark’ issues online. That they are best resolved off of the internet. I thought it’s called social media for a reason not please me media. How does that even work? Where are our hearts? Where is our humanity? The world is destroying itself slowly by slowly. People on suicide through depression and we’re telling people that when they post their issues they are childish? When people come out for help and we tell them that it is childish, so when are we going to help them? What is a mature person supposed to post? I need a memo. Are we even intending to help them? Are we even worthy of being friends? If you cannot help someone then shut the fuck up, scroll away and ignore. You may just as well unfriend them and keep the happy lot that are entertaining you on your TLs.
Depression is a killer and when someone comes out depressed them you say it ain’t real. People are out there depressed. People are out there suffering. People are out there fighting their demons and instead of bringing them closer, we are busy calling them childish? Maybe before someone friends you you should tell them to also keep it sunny.
Just because you can silently afford to handle your issues silently doesn’t mean anyone else can. Just because you have contacts that at one click away can help you out doesn’t mean any one else does. We are not at the same point in life. We do not have the access to the same resources, cool friends and supportive families. Nope. We are different. And so by the time someone comes out for help then it is deep. Then it is real. People are suffering. People are desperate. People are hurting. People are abused, bruised and stripped. Cheated. Betrayed. People are depressed. We are destroying ourselves. We are destroying humanity. Discrediting it. So unless we listen and offer some help, we should just shut the fuck up and stop talking about depression any way. Are you the social media police officer in charge of happiness? For this matter, if you are out there depressed and need someone to listen to you, you can hit me up in my DM. I may not be in position to help you financially or physically but I will listen and talk to you best way I can. I hear “You’re posting childish”. Fuck you. Yes I am pissed so bad I am boiling. God.
Sometime in 2020, during one of those (#MeToo campaigns), There was a social media topic about people’s characters. Commonly, such topics involve qualities one looks out for in a partner. Amongst a number of comments on a certain post I can’t seem to find anymore was a comment by Rashida Namulondo, a poet and actress. I was so captivated by a fellow creative’s comment that I had to capture it and reproduce it for the world to see how beautiful she described qualities of her potential partner.
So, below she said…
‘’People are not perfect! It depends on what you are looking for. Personally I want a good person, be it a romantic relationship, work relationship or friend. This is how I know a good person that I want in my life.
How he treats people around him especially support staff like waiters and cleaners. How he treats colleagues under his supervisor and he is in a superior position than them. It’s very easy to see someone’s manners in these situations of power play.
How open is he to the fact that he’s still learning, and that other people’s opinions and perspective on life counts just like his? Basically, I can’t handle people who think they are better than others and have this ‘I am right’ attitude.
How does he handle conflict? Let’s say for example, he bumps into someone on the road. Does he accept blame or goes on cursing and denies blame. Now, I know even the best of people curse on Ugandan roads but there are people who go beyond. Also, is he the kind who can be able to take the courage to mend things whether it’s his fault or not?
Does he have a plan in life and is he working courageously towards it? If he has no plan, is he the kind committed and interested in learning? Does he seek to improve his skills and take an extra mile to learn new things and skills? I can’t handle people who don’t strive to grow and be better than they were yesterday.
Is he a grateful person? Does He acknowledge the mercy of God? The help of others who have helped him? Is he grateful and is he able to meaningfully acknowledge help?
Does he take feedback? Is he able to take feedback without turning you into a bad person for giving him negative feedback and does he strive to change?
How does he speak of people when they are not around? It’s okay to complain once in a while about someone who has wronged you at work etc. but constantly speaking evil of someone? Noo! Does he ever acknowledge the good things even the worst his enemies could have or has done for him in his life? What is his relationship with his relatives? Even the bad ones.
Now being a nice person doesn’t mean to be a push over. Can he stand up for himself respectfully without insulting others? Does he have boundaries and non-negotiables? And can he tell me the truth every single day even if it hurts?
Finally, does he see me? Does he even notice I am there? How well does he know my dreams? My goals. My ambitions. (This question is key because it can only mean a person listens when you talk or even when you don’t.) I know people I hardly talk to but they can recite my dreams, my hopes, things that upset me and those that bring me joy off their lips. And there are those I am close to who even after so many conversations have no slightest idea about who I am, what I hope for, what angers me and what are my dreams.
A person who truly sees you. Knows your soul because they feel it. That is the one that truly cares about you.
NB. These may seem so many things but very often you will be surprised that a good person ticks off all these boxes.
Rashida is a Ugandan based actress, stage director, and award-winning poet. She is the founder of the Sophie Muwanika Institute of Art for Change. A nonprofit organization that uses theatre for peace building.
I was born in 1991 on January the 17th to Mr. Mutyaba and Ms. Nakanjako Christine on a Wednesday at 8 p.m. At birth I was named Magala Julian but later at baptism I was given Kinene Marvin Nathaniel. I am a Protestant Christian, a Muganda of Lugave (pangolin). I was raised at my paternal grandparents’ home as a result of young love between my parents. They had no clue of how to raise up a child so they left me under my grandmother’s care (R.I.P) until I was grown up a little and my paternal aunt took me in under her care. I have four siblings two brothers both born of my mother and two sisters born of my father.
For this part, I am mainly going to focus on my journey in the creative industry and so as you settle down on your device, here we go;
When I was living with my grandmother, & around 95’ we used to watch on a black ‘n white TV a program on UTV called Music Africa by Makamazibu (R.I.P) which used to play the dominant music then, Lingala & I was an ardent fan of Kanda Bongoman & would dance kwasakwasa. She used to tell me to get up & show her some moves. From there I moved to my aunt’s around ’97 & got introduced to the western dance culture with dancers like Michael Jackson (R.I.P), Genuine, Usher & Sisco. Mostly their music was played at night, just when it was my bed time but I’d peep through door hinges & then try to do what I’d seen, mostly Michael Jackson’s & with Sisco, I mostly enjoyed his dance show, ‘Sisco Dance House’ which gave me the love for dance battles & a bit-o-b.boy.
2001, I joined Buganda Road Primary School, P.4 and in P.6 I met a group of classmates who made beats on desks & as we danced along till P.7 when I started added a bit of dancehall. It’s around that time when seen Paul dropped the Dutty Rock Album.
The Ultimate Squad; 2005, I joined secondary at Wampeewo Ntakke S.S.S where one day during the winning house party, I got my own spot & gave the kids my best freestyle. That was my official entry into the dance world…because there was a girl I wanted to impress anyway. Not so long after, I my primary school O.B, Hassans joined the same school & with him, we rep’d for our class, S.2 R & called us ‘Tha S.2 Red Dance Force’. Another hommie got in, Joe & later we formed Tha Ultimate Squad.
We embarked on changing the entertainment scene of the school. We were a versatile crew but after watching the movie You Got Served, some of us took a more keen interest in break dance & b.boy.
The Refined Dancers; 2008, I started my dance journey with The Refined Dancers, the official dance group for The Refiners Fire Tabernacle, Wampeewo, Gayaza Rd. I joined them in 2009 as a trainer with the help of other Ultimate Squad members. It was supposed to be one song ‘Ganjaman’ by Exodus but after a week of a not so organized rehearsal, I was requested to perform it with them & that marked the beginning of my journey with them.
We continued doing other tracks, took it on as a real job (I signed a contract for it.) Training went on & we went on harder & as we registered remarkable success. We started being invited to perform outside our church, went places & backed up artists like Phiona Mukasa, Seku Martin, S4J, Coopy Bly.
Break Out Uganda; Later, because I was more into break dance & b.boy, I created another crew that specialized mainly in that and thus the birth of Break Out Uganda where I held free dance classes for guys along Gayaza Road. It was a great time and I usually posted our stuff on Facebook. One day in 2013, I received a phone call from someone who wanted me on his TV show as a dance choreographer because had impressed with my works on Facebook and that guy turned out to be Denzel of Urban TV & with him we hosted the show House Party. That ushered me into the world of TV.
My name is Kinene Marvin Netherneal aka Shadray, a high school thing that stuck. A former battle style dancer (The Ultimate Squad, The Refined Dancers & Team Break Out Uganda), something that didn’t quite go well with my old folks in the beginning because to them, a guy head spinning, twisting & doing all those B. Boy flips was thought to be under the influence of something illegal. Gosh, it took some time to get them to be okay with it but the day I appeared on a poster in the neighborhood & then got a TV gig for it is the day they surrendered. I mean, they were now living with a celebrity in the house, yo!) A former television presenter for (Urban TV, Life TV, Bukalango TV) marketing & media handler at Paple Rayn Fashion Uganda now settled at Greenhill Academy (office clerk).
After running the show on Urban TV with my Ultimate Squad team, the project ended and Life TV took us on. We helped them join & blend into the party crowds of Kampala with the show Party Time. we organized and directed their other shows, did P.R roles & in our period there, Life TV got nominated among the best five new television channels of 2015 in the Radio and Television Awards 2015. However, company politics came in & the TV was literally dissolved. From there Bukalango TV came through but I was literary done with upcoming TVs.
Other media projects; I kept around the media as a freelancer & I worked on a number of projects like; Paple Rayn Fashion team as their marketer and for the period I was there I helped in implementing new advertising strategies, looking for clients and maintaining the old clientele, signed up brand ambassadors the most prominent one being Gareth Onyango, handle media or events like developing pressers and media coverage & it’s in that period that we were nominated in 5 categories of the Abryanz Style & Fashion Awards, 2015.
I worked on a number of projects mainly as coordinator and media hander like;
Paple Rayn Fashion Uganda’s 3rd Year Anniversary Show 2016.
Sauti Ya Africa Album Launch 2016.
Hellen Lukoma’s Genesis Fashion Concert 2016.
Break-Fast Jam Finals 2019
Writing; I started with writing songs which I later cut short, edited & turned into poems & mini stories because I personally thought they sounded so bad, boring & annoying. I was a committed literature student so it just fueled my passion. My mastery of the English language in my class then, turned me into a favorite of sorts among both fellow students & teachers (Not to forget the crush I got on my literature/English student teacher in Senior 2. She was a young intern but the cute bird was transferred before we could even make a serious move). Yeah, I wished that much.
Writing got so good I even started writing for other students love letters to take to their darlings (Yup. You, the alumni of mine reading this, never know one of the best lines your love might have sent you was written by me & you were there instead praising them). Even all my ex’s did literature so this means reading & writing was a must-to-have character for me to start considering you dating goals.
I started putting my works on Facebook. Trying to open up to the world but one day as I was chilling on my business, I got an emissary from a part of my family with a complaint that I was putting erotic content on line and it may kill my image. Out of anger for these people’s lack of respect for my art and stepping over that part of my boundary, I shifted my craft to another platform and that was how I joined WordPress.
I love music. It’s a drug, food, travel (though I rarely do so for my pockets don’t want to hear such stories), love itself (intense), dance (I am one myself, when the mood is right), music (EDM, soft rock & old school till about 2017 though I’ll never pick up the mic) Manchester United, Real Madrid & lately, Juventus.
I like listening to music (occasionally), watching movies & documentaries & will usually pull out something to write down what has tickled my mind. It could be a line in a song, movie or a piece of literature. I then need good music & or a good photo (Especially about landscape, the sea, stars. Abstract paintings. Pictures of people who aren’t really aware of the camera’s presence.) These help to bring out the deep emotions in me that put the right words in my mind to describe how I feel & thus end up writing something good. (The three emotions being; extreme anger, fear & happiness.)
I am a believer that trust needs to be earned, judgment is easily given. I believe & advocate that people should love when they feel it is right, love only one, love jealously & genuinely, love without holding back & love given should be love returned otherwise, it is evil leading someone on if you are not going to love them. People should be considerate, patient & understanding & much as it’s important for people to love with their hearts, they should as well give power to their brains in the process of choosing a partner.
Because I am a person who can best express myself through writing, I draw my inspiration from many fields of life that affect how we live & perceive things. Stories of my personal experiences. Stories people tell me of their lives. Deep stuff. I turn them into my narrative. Third persona usually. Morgan Freeman style & then use them to preach to others that are facing similar situations. In an inspirational or correctional point of view. You can check me out here https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com & the hot https://medium.com/@kinenemarvin.
This has made me more of a versatile creative writer who isn’t bound to one topic as I have proven ability to write about love, education, events, intimacy, motivation & inspiration & much more in a rather laid back style. A light, none assertive style yet powerful enough to leave an impression on a reader’s mind.
I hope to one day write for a magazine, website or newspaper & also through my works, become a great speaker & an inspiration to other writers, lovers, readers, the tired & nearly giving ups, the heart broken & myself. If I could get the opportunity of speaking my works to audiences, I will have made it in life. Currently, I am also helping teach other people how to become writers.
Welcome to my world. It’s not that fancy, I am afraid, but it works for me. Find a seat please & make yourself comfortable. And try to be a lil quiet.
Someone one day stated that “Every girl is a gold digger but the degree varies & it’s dependent on how deep she feels you.” Well, that no longer makes the front page as it has become an everyday occurrence. At least every guy has experienced it in any one of his relationships & some (guys) would testify that it was the incessant demands of the girl that broke the relationship while some (girls) would claim that they can’t put up with a financially unstable guy.
So our dear women keep crying for Women Emancipation saying how tired they’re of being kept in the shadows, trying to prove that they too can work as equally well & at times far more better than men in so many aspects of life, financial independence inclusive but most of those who advocate for that are still the very ones who sit back & wait for the guy to take them out & do the bills & so many other things they call gentlemanly. What I’ve failed to understand is whether women emancipation doctrines refuse women to look after their men especially in financial matters but to still offer themselves up for comfort sex once a deed has been done to them. This has actually further upgraded your level of slavery in a way that those who still wait for the man to play the gentleman part have ended up having nothing but being unknowingly miserable lots.
But why has it got to be like that? Where so many dames believe that a guy’s assets are her entitlements? I thought that in a relationship, we’re all concerned for its survival so we’re entitled to pool resources together & sustain it. It has become rare for her to take you out, pimp you up or show any sign of financial /material support yet she expects you to foot everything like as if she wasn’t living before your entree into her broke life. Like she doesn’t realize that all that money she requests you to take her out with or buy her something can be used to pay rent, start a business, or build a house & what happened to her family & relatives?
Thought they should be concerned too. Or they don’t get inspired by a few girls they see earning their grind & tipping off their guys? Some don’t realize that it’s some form of slavery where the guy can take advantage of her poor economic status to enslave her in the relationship while he goes to get some better ish from another dame …because he knows you have no way out but to beg for whatever he’ll donate to you.
We as guys know it’s our responsibility to spend on our girls but it’s not constituted anywhere that they should sit back on their loins waiting for when we’d earn so that they could eat. They should also play their part. If she liked the guy because he had a fair skin, cool shirts or kicks, then when she notices them going wrong at a point in time, she could dig into her pocket, pull out a note & say,” Honey, here’s some mulla. You could go buy yourself another cool pair.” That wouldn’t hurt I suppose because you’re investing in your relationship. To cut the long rant short, here’s a statement to think about; ‘MUCH AS IT’S DEADLY FOR A BROKE GUY TO DATE, IT’S EQUALLY SUICIDAL TO DATE A BROKE GIRL “……