Of Promises & Trust Issues

I’ve met a friend who told me he doesn’t promise. Especially when it comes to love. For some things that have been done over & over again & their fail rate has remained constant, it should be understandable as to why they should be abandoned all the same.

He told me he’s been down that road very many a times. Always hoping for the best to come out of it. How he’s given in time, hopes & most definitely, his heart. He’s stripped himself bare trying to be the perfect one for these daughters of Eve. He told of his visions & made plans. How he’s groomed himself to each one of their recipe of perfection. Trying to be their ideal figure of a perfect gentleman & hopefully, a capable father to their kids and all of this coming with a promise that he’ll be the best they’ve ever had. The one they’ve always dreamt. I too have fucking been there.

When at the end of it all, I don’t know if I’ve not measured up enough. I don’t know if I’ve sinned all too much for God to acknowledge my dreams & help me keep my end of the promise but these daughters of Eve have always found any reason under the setting sun to walk out of my life like I am plagued. They’ve made me question my sanity, my ambitions, my esteem. I’ve fucking been depressed because of them. I’ve lost my mind & broken down terribly because I thought I was worthless & not good enough for anybody. Because if someone leaves you for no sensible reason, what exactly are you left to think the blame is?

Do you even know what it means for someone to make you promise & they also swear on those very promises & then they go ahead to break each & every promise they made? Each word by word to the very last like they’re ticking off some wish list without remorse, guilt or whatever you want to call it & then they get the mother fucking audacity to tell you to get over it? Like you’re some sort of emotionless creature with a stone heart & iron hide skin?

Do people know what it means to walk around with scars on your heart covering each inch of where your vision was? Of where your hope was? Of where your…promise was?

For crying out loud I got tired all the same. I resorted to living. Hoping that maybe, a rare daughter of Eve will simply love me as is & not make me fly on deceit & empty promises just to let me fall down like I am a wretch of this earth. I …. Don’t even know how to finish this.

Don’t Make Her A Single Mother

This is the women’s month and Women’s Day is just around the corner so I found it wise to send them this love letter… and to the men too. This is all about us…and it children.

A woman loved a man. She loved him hard and he played the part. Her dreams were coming true. She was going to be a wife to a loving man and then have him a couple of beautiful littluns making him a father and altogether become a beautiful family.

So when he wooed her heart, she gave to him one of her most precious assets, her sexuality. You can’t blame her because she looked at this man as the perfect candidate to make a family with. Probably because, in the course of dating, he presented that dream quite too often and seriously and so a child they got for a family she hoped they would make.

The bastard instead, was just for a joy ride so once the tot was delivered, off he ran. To the hills or the valleys, across the plains or the mountains no one knew for he disappeared faster than he came into her life. Probably to spread his horn further. A heartbroken female, he left behind. A dadless child he left behind. Abandoned.

Broken heart. Shattered dreams. Hurt emotions and literally a fatherless child with a husbandless mother. She now has to fend for not only herself but for her child too. It is like it was a mistake for her to give in herself to him. Like it was her blunder to leave every other suitor for him. Such a heartless coward.

The world has never really been a cool shade for single moms. The blame they go through for having given in to a man that couldn’t commit. The promiscuous stigmatization they are given. We tend to label them being loose. We tend to pile the blame on her and turn blind to the idiot that played with her heart. That failed to act like a man and take charge of the results from his horn. The struggle they go through finding another suitor that won’t traumatize them for what happened before. Bringing it up in every argument, the insecurities, the ignoring of the child that came with her. That it’s her responsibility and that he starts from where he came into her picture.

A single mother is like a sheep in the wilderness full of wolf packs. Like Survivor Island, she has to keep up or be left behind. She lives in denial of her reality. Having to hide the child from possible suitors thinking they will jump ship once they know she got extra ‘baggage’.  Many men will think she is loose and try to gain sexual favors from her or that she is in a constant disparate need for help (which may be true) and try to get sexual in exchange for help. That is a sad reality. Hardly will any of them try to commit. Many fear that responsibility. “How can I father a child I didn’t father?” It is sad. It hurts.

Now literary alone in the world, that is if her family didn’t ignore her too because many think it is taboo for a woman to have a child and not live with its father. A shame to the family name and also if the father’s family doesn’t treat her any different, she now has to fend for school fees so that the baby gets an education, medical care, housing, food, clothes, belonging and identity, and all this while the father, the husband that was supposed to be is out there sexing other women. Probably they also know that he absconded from his parental responsibilities somewhere but what the heck, he said he loves me too so let the sista find a way to survive with her kid am moving on with the man now.

To the families that are raising the boy child, please teach that boy before he thinks he is now a man that women ought to be respected, honored, cherished, protected and loved. That sex is not everything and once they take on the sex activities, they must be ready for the consequences that come after. That live sex doesn’t give birth to a TV, car or anything but a baby and it is that child, their own seed that they’re going to subject a lot of mental torture to the moment they decide to close the door on them.

Dear player, if at all you don’t have plans of making that woman your wife then don’t make her a mother for nothing. Withdraw, wear a condom or don’t sex her at all and if at all you aren’t ready to take care of a woman and her child then stay away from single mothers. It is that simple. It is not a life she called for.

 Just as well, dear woman, not everything male that says it loves you really does so you do not have to open your legs for them without protection just because they said they love you. Let that niga take his time dating you if need bes while in that moment you’re looking out for the father figure in him. There are always red flags to look out for and yes, some things are actually worth the wait if you’re committed to looking out for the best.

Of Inspirational Speakers’ Dilemma

Has someone ever spoken to you so real you feel like they have been reading the guide of your life first hand? When every word they are speaking pierces you to the core? Usually, it is so deep by the time the encounter is over, you just don’t want to see them ever! A common occurrence for inspiration speakers & that is why people don’t like them. Let me put myself into the same boat, they don’t like us.

It is because most of us are control freaks. Many of us like to always have our will be done. Wired to think that our issues & personal experiences are the best things to draw messages from without taking into consideration that the other person on the receiving end also has their life experiences that might just as well be more grievous than ours have been.

Most people when giving advice don’t let the other to talk. It’s usually because they have issues with being challenged by someone they feel is inferior. The moment the other person starts speaking then they label them being rebellious, poor listeners, self-defenders & such yet the best way to communicate & have your message delivered is to allow a two-way discussion. Sometimes even if as an inspiration speaker you may be right, you have to listen to what the other person has to say instead of calling them names. Since it’s their life that you’re tackling then it is best you listen to what they have to say. Their argument may just as well be the link you need to solve the riddle.

We, Inspiration speakers, should also know that we’re not always right & people are not entitled to live their lives the way the inspirers want nor is it a sure deal that the ideas we have will also work on the other person because people are unique. What works for you may not work for the other.

You’re an inspirer who has a job that earns you like a million on which you can save about two hundred thousand shillings a month & you’re telling someone who earns about four hundred thousand shillings to also save about two hundred thousand shillings. Who are you kidding?

There’s also the mistake made that people think that what inspires them should also be inspire the others. People have different views, hustles, stuff to deal with that may not necessarily role with the kind of people you look up to. It’s best an inspirer understands what this person is going through & then looks for a person who was in that very situation & uses their example to inspire this person. Or maybe someone who did something that got them somewhere & sure this person too can relate.

Then there are those who are just too boring & aggressive. 1, 2 into the jazz & they’re already throwing inspiration vibes around. It gets boring & common. There’s a lot of things to talk about other than discussing someone’s life & looking into what they’re doing wrong. Sometimes we just have to let people mess up a bit so that they learn from it. I know it sounds kinda evil, right?

We must all learn to respect the fact that we all get inspired by different things. If you’re inspired by Bill Gates another person is inspired by Ronaldo or Beyoncé etc. It’s their life & that’s what keeps them going as long as they are not breaking the law. But you find an inspirer seriously rebuking the other over what they like & believe in. Over what one reads, listens to, does on social media & watches on TV just because it is not in not in line with what the inspirer believes in.

I must say the responsibility of being an inspiration speaker is not easy but forcing someone to get inspired is not the best approach. Sometimes it takes time & getting angry when challenged & such doesn’t get the message delivered. People are unique & until you get that, you’ll see people running away from you every time you start throwing your inspiration vibes around.

Sometimes though we might be the help someone needs, we’re not fully 100% the right Messiahs in everyone’s lives.

Why Judge?

I have no right to judge people because definitely I am one of the most imperfect people you’ll ever meet. And secondly, I have no idea what most people are going through & the reasons why they’re going through whatever they’re going through.

Because of the imperfections I have, the mistakes I’ve made, even those I know I could or should have avoided & the pain I’ve lived through plus the lessons learnt, I decided to use the blogging powers vested in me to give people an advance ray of hope so that they are susceptible to less mistakes in their love, relationships & social wellbeing because I know what it feels like to live a broken, self-defeating, regrettable life. A life of “If only I knew.”

I love seeing people smile, love genuinely & living peacefully amongst themselves. That’s why I’ll be up on my medias preaching all the time. Nagging you with stories of pain & triumph so that one or two can draw inspiration from there. Stories I’ve read & heard about, stories people have confided in me with as well as my personal accounts but with my personal view on the matter so that I can leave the reader with the power to make their own judgment & decision basing on their own conscience.

Just like in the movies, how people are looking for a super hero to believe in & so is real life. Almost everyone is looking for someone to believe in. For something. An inspiration. For a reason to believe or to keep moving. To keep focused. To have faith. 

People are going through a lot & so probably are you. We all need each other. Our lives are stories for others to learn from. Live them well.

#Peace #Love

The Valentine’s Day That Broke Me.

Image by Ruffian on We Heart It

“I brought us flowers” your words still echo in my mind. 

I am seated right here trying to pick up the broken pieces, taking each day as it comes but it’s not an easy road. Valentine’s Day reminds me of the day I should have walked out on you but I stayed behind. Why? Because I loved how you lied to me. Rihanna. I was scared of being lonely. Akon. I vividly remember the night we planned something cozy indoors, dinner and a movie night. Lovers’ things. But the flowers on the table kept on hammering in the back of my mind. This whole flower thing was something new to us. Something wasn’t adding up. But I wanted to enjoy the moment with you. Have you to myself ‘cause you were mine. Or so I thought. Our first and last Valentines together. Something we didn’t know. I enjoyed our movie along with the dinner you prepared well. Off to bed we went, but my sixth sense wouldn’t allow me to rest so in the dead of the night, I woke up and had access to your phone. Damn! My gut feeling was correct. You were seeing someone else behind my back. She had bought ‘my’ flowers, and now everything started falling in and out of place. Can’t even make sense.

You had so much in common. The freedom and flexibility in your chats. No forcing matters. Lots of plans you had with her about the things I would beg you to do for me, with me, for us, you would freely give in to her. I was numb for some time. I’d lost my breath. What had I done to deserve this pain?

Valentine’s Day! I always looked forward to it. A day of spending quality time with my partner, but now one of my worst days as it reminds me of you. My ex partner. The red flowers here, yellow flowers there, all remind me of you. The painful us. How you lied to my face that she was just a friend. I tried to confront you, but it’s the lie you maintained. Our relationship was stained. Somebody had to walk away, and that was me. The beginning of our end.

I had to pack my bags for good and never look back for you had me broken. It has not been an easy road but I am picking up the pieces slowly. Valentine’s Day, oh! how that day broke me.

This beautiful piece is a masterpiece from the beautiful Linzimat from Zimbabwe. Safe to say, it’s a Uganda Zimbabwe romantic collabo. Follow her beautiful works on this her site; https://linzmati.wordpress.com