Our Last Time.

I want to love you properly. Like it is my last time. Your last time. Anyways, it is our last time. Never to see us again, our last wish. Loving someone else, our worst wish. Never to make plans with you again, our lost wish. Never falling in love again with us, our feared wish…so I want to make this be our best time. Sadly, our last time.

I want to hold you proper. Talk to you proper. I want to laugh with you again. Hear that loud chuckle one last time. I loved how you used to look at me deeply. Your eyes piercing into my soul sharply. I felt them. They had love written all over them & I fearfully loved it.

I want to make love to you proper. Break you down and build you up again. With sweat, emotions, and ecstasy, girl, you loved that intimacy, because boy oh boy I sure did it better. I held your hand better on them walks. The walks up the hill. Or the romance on the boda. Weaving through traffic like them roads we owned. The dancing in the room. My Miss Uganda. I made your mind calmer and listened to your dreams clearer. The tears in your eyes I made them disappear faster and on my chest, you laid better. Sweet peace.

But now you are gone. Regrettable tears for the moves we didn’t make. Chess pieces. Like the wind you gonna blow away and fat chance, I’ll never see you again…unless if the world pulls a sneaky one on us…otherwise, this seems like it’s our last time. Wish I could spend it with you because I am sure you will love it. This one last time, the Kindle to the Kitty.

Refuge In The Darkness

I take refuge in the darkness. Its solidness makes me come alive. Feels like a playground for me. Its loneliness gives me strength. Its stillness awakens my senses. Its blindness hides the tears and the fear in my eyes. The stories that hang in my mind etched on my heart like scars of the holocaust. Will never be forgotten. Their perpetrators, maybe they should never be forgiven. We don’t just waste love and forgiveness like that. We must put some respek to it.

The darkness. Gives me refuge to my damned heart and troubled soul. It’s like the safest place for me to run my mind. A table for me to lay my plans. Grand schemes. So many. It’s a crowd. Of thoughts. Wishes. Dreams. It’s like the canvas, a pallet in one hand, brush in the other as I am the painter and so on it I make the master strokes.

Its hideousness knows my pain and the anger, the disappointments and the fears that run and boil like a steam engine in my mind. Thomas. At one time like the unquenchable fires of the Amazon. Oh so help me God.

Darkness to me unfolds like the orchestra and my life is given the baton as I become the conductor…of my thoughts.

Motivated By a David Solis’ Top 10 Piano Covers.

Poisoned Apple

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Don’t call me baby

When you know I am not the only one.
Don’t say you love me

When you know I share those words with someone else.
Don’t show you care

When your heart ain’t here.
I ain’t a robot, I too got blood, a heart, feelings & emotions.

For

I gave you my love in vain, patience with
persistence & consistence, I waited for your
considerance.
But here I am right now, crying out
disappointed.

I thought my heart was to only know your beauty.
But after a while now from getting to know you,
it seemed I was fooling myself.

For your beauty
turned out to be an attraction for me to fall
into your poison.

It was a poisoned apple.

Happy 4th Anniversary To My Site

In July 2020, my site made 100 followers so by 2021, I wanted to make 150. When 2021 came, I’d already hit the 200th mark. All the way up. For that I am thrilled. The gradual growth always keeps me driving forward. 

2017 stats

Apart from the growth above, my site made 4 years this 3rd month of the year, March. Yeyyyy. It’s been a crazy journey so far. Damn! https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/me-and-writing-the-genesis/

Growing a following is one thing. Creating content to keep that audience & attracting new followers is another but just like someone who is passionate about something, the effort has to be planted & each reaction on your blog celebrated. 

2018 stats

A lot of thanks is given to the very supportive African blogging community particularly the Afrobloggers community. From pushing our works to accommodating supportive people who’re not only open to collaborations but also sharing important creative tips that have enabled me to stay relevant in such a highly competitive field. 

2019 stats

Thanks also go out to my people who keep on reading & reacting to my pieces. You guys give me the energy. This new age couldn’t have been achieved if you haven’t been doing what you doing on my page. 

2020 stats

I love you all & I’ll try the best way I could to keep you hooked. 

2021 as of today.

Happy four years to us once again. 

Personal Relationships & The Public

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They have always advised that it is more better we keep our intimate relationships away from the public (These days, social media) because truth be told, not everyone is going to be happy about you too together and in the event that it hits some snags, there are some that are going to make the situation as dramatic as a telenovela. That is humanity. That is life. You would be saved from looking like a love failure. A life lesson for many and you’ll miss out on the peace that comes with silent relationship breakups.

But let me tell you, a relationship where people do not come up & tell you how good you are together is boring. It’s less charming. Once in a while we need to hear external minds about our relationships & from there we may learn a thing or two.

Sometimes we know less of the people who say they love us than the public or the people outside of our relationship. People that have been with them longer than we have & usually take some of their thoughts lightly until we are way in too deep a wrong relationship.

Much as we love our partners for our own selves (obviously), public interest is also very important. That’s why you’ll always find fun talking about your spouse to someone who cares to listen & usually seek advice the same way where necessary. Take relationship counsellors for example. There will always be that pride. Seeing the adoration on other people’s faces when you are talking about bae is priceless. Hearing them say how they wish theirs was like yours is unmatchable.

If your partner always endeavors to keep your relationship out of the public, including family then you’re in a tricky situation. They may be either protecting you from the haters or they’re hiding you from those that know their dark secrets.

However, you shouldn’t reveal all because this might give people who want to take you down a chance to know how to do it. Every relationship has its cracks and some people are too good or always out there looking for those cracks. The moment they land on them, the effect may be much bigger than the tsunami.