Category: Uncategorized

Happy 4th Anniversary To My Site

In July 2020, my site made 100 followers so by 2021, I wanted to make 150. When 2021 came, I’d already hit the 200th mark. All the way up. For that I am thrilled. The gradual growth always keeps me driving forward. 

2017 stats

Apart from the growth above, my site made 4 years this 3rd month of the year, March. Yeyyyy. It’s been a crazy journey so far. Damn! https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/me-and-writing-the-genesis/

Growing a following is one thing. Creating content to keep that audience & attracting new followers is another but just like someone who is passionate about something, the effort has to be planted & each reaction on your blog celebrated. 

2018 stats

A lot of thanks is given to the very supportive African blogging community particularly the Afrobloggers community. From pushing our works to accommodating supportive people who’re not only open to collaborations but also sharing important creative tips that have enabled me to stay relevant in such a highly competitive field. 

2019 stats

Thanks also go out to my people who keep on reading & reacting to my pieces. You guys give me the energy. This new age couldn’t have been achieved if you haven’t been doing what you doing on my page. 

2020 stats

I love you all & I’ll try the best way I could to keep you hooked. 

2021 as of today.

Happy four years to us once again. 

Don’t Make Her A Single Mother

This is the women’s month and Women’s Day is just around the corner so I found it wise to send them this love letter… and to the men too. This is all about us…and it children.

A woman loved a man. She loved him hard and he played the part. Her dreams were coming true. She was going to be a wife to a loving man and then have him a couple of beautiful littluns making him a father and altogether become a beautiful family.

So when he wooed her heart, she gave to him one of her most precious assets, her sexuality. You can’t blame her because she looked at this man as the perfect candidate to make a family with. Probably because, in the course of dating, he presented that dream quite too often and seriously and so a child they got for a family she hoped they would make.

The bastard instead, was just for a joy ride so once the tot was delivered, off he ran. To the hills or the valleys, across the plains or the mountains no one knew for he disappeared faster than he came into her life. Probably to spread his horn further. A heartbroken female, he left behind. A dadless child he left behind. Abandoned.

Broken heart. Shattered dreams. Hurt emotions and literally a fatherless child with a husbandless mother. She now has to fend for not only herself but for her child too. It is like it was a mistake for her to give in herself to him. Like it was her blunder to leave every other suitor for him. Such a heartless coward.

The world has never really been a cool shade for single moms. The blame they go through for having given in to a man that couldn’t commit. The promiscuous stigmatization they are given. We tend to label them being loose. We tend to pile the blame on her and turn blind to the idiot that played with her heart. That failed to act like a man and take charge of the results from his horn. The struggle they go through finding another suitor that won’t traumatize them for what happened before. Bringing it up in every argument, the insecurities, the ignoring of the child that came with her. That it’s her responsibility and that he starts from where he came into her picture.

A single mother is like a sheep in the wilderness full of wolf packs. Like Survivor Island, she has to keep up or be left behind. She lives in denial of her reality. Having to hide the child from possible suitors thinking they will jump ship once they know she got extra ‘baggage’.  Many men will think she is loose and try to gain sexual favors from her or that she is in a constant disparate need for help (which may be true) and try to get sexual in exchange for help. That is a sad reality. Hardly will any of them try to commit. Many fear that responsibility. “How can I father a child I didn’t father?” It is sad. It hurts.

Now literary alone in the world, that is if her family didn’t ignore her too because many think it is taboo for a woman to have a child and not live with its father. A shame to the family name and also if the father’s family doesn’t treat her any different, she now has to fend for school fees so that the baby gets an education, medical care, housing, food, clothes, belonging and identity, and all this while the father, the husband that was supposed to be is out there sexing other women. Probably they also know that he absconded from his parental responsibilities somewhere but what the heck, he said he loves me too so let the sista find a way to survive with her kid am moving on with the man now.

To the families that are raising the boy child, please teach that boy before he thinks he is now a man that women ought to be respected, honored, cherished, protected and loved. That sex is not everything and once they take on the sex activities, they must be ready for the consequences that come after. That live sex doesn’t give birth to a TV, car or anything but a baby and it is that child, their own seed that they’re going to subject a lot of mental torture to the moment they decide to close the door on them.

Dear player, if at all you don’t have plans of making that woman your wife then don’t make her a mother for nothing. Withdraw, wear a condom or don’t sex her at all and if at all you aren’t ready to take care of a woman and her child then stay away from single mothers. It is that simple. It is not a life she called for.

 Just as well, dear woman, not everything male that says it loves you really does so you do not have to open your legs for them without protection just because they said they love you. Let that niga take his time dating you if need bes while in that moment you’re looking out for the father figure in him. There are always red flags to look out for and yes, some things are actually worth the wait if you’re committed to looking out for the best.

The Valentine’s Day That Broke Me.

Image by Ruffian on We Heart It

“I brought us flowers” your words still echo in my mind. 

I am seated right here trying to pick up the broken pieces, taking each day as it comes but it’s not an easy road. Valentine’s Day reminds me of the day I should have walked out on you but I stayed behind. Why? Because I loved how you lied to me. Rihanna. I was scared of being lonely. Akon. I vividly remember the night we planned something cozy indoors, dinner and a movie night. Lovers’ things. But the flowers on the table kept on hammering in the back of my mind. This whole flower thing was something new to us. Something wasn’t adding up. But I wanted to enjoy the moment with you. Have you to myself ‘cause you were mine. Or so I thought. Our first and last Valentines together. Something we didn’t know. I enjoyed our movie along with the dinner you prepared well. Off to bed we went, but my sixth sense wouldn’t allow me to rest so in the dead of the night, I woke up and had access to your phone. Damn! My gut feeling was correct. You were seeing someone else behind my back. She had bought ‘my’ flowers, and now everything started falling in and out of place. Can’t even make sense.

You had so much in common. The freedom and flexibility in your chats. No forcing matters. Lots of plans you had with her about the things I would beg you to do for me, with me, for us, you would freely give in to her. I was numb for some time. I’d lost my breath. What had I done to deserve this pain?

Valentine’s Day! I always looked forward to it. A day of spending quality time with my partner, but now one of my worst days as it reminds me of you. My ex partner. The red flowers here, yellow flowers there, all remind me of you. The painful us. How you lied to my face that she was just a friend. I tried to confront you, but it’s the lie you maintained. Our relationship was stained. Somebody had to walk away, and that was me. The beginning of our end.

I had to pack my bags for good and never look back for you had me broken. It has not been an easy road but I am picking up the pieces slowly. Valentine’s Day, oh! how that day broke me.

This beautiful piece is a masterpiece from the beautiful Linzimat from Zimbabwe. Safe to say, it’s a Uganda Zimbabwe romantic collabo. Follow her beautiful works on this her site; https://linzmati.wordpress.com

Men Falling In Love (1): Physical Attraction Edition.

Naturally, men are at first contact, visual when it comes to things of love & romance. If what he sees gets him attracted to the lady then she’s worth having a go for. Usually, first rule to getting to choose a female is dependent on how she physically attracts him & how she uses those physical aspects to keep him interested. The face, the hair, the ass, the curves, the smile, boobs. You name it. How she uses them when she’s walking, talking, smiling, touching then comes into play. Unfortunately, some women are gifted with great curves & legs but walk like ducks. Some are gifted with great lips & teeth but laugh & talk like SpongeBob. In this case, there are men who feel that they can’t go for a woman who will get the world questioning what the hell he was thinking to go for such a woman.

After that physical attraction feeling has been created then he’d go further to know what lies beneath. “Okay, this girl looks angelic & all but what is her thinking capacity? How does she reason? What are her interests? How does she handle money? How does she cook?” Etc.  Therefore it now comes to revolving on how she reasons, thinks, interests etc. & if he’s turned off from that stage then he’d probably conclude that that is wasted beauty & he’ll retreat. 

That’s why you’ll get many men saying that “The first time I saw you blah blah blah” & not “Before I even saw you, your intellect struck me telepathically.” This isn’t the Joseph, Mary & the Holy Spirit era.

That’s why so many women with a prospect of hooking up mind about turning up dripping hot & not with their degrees or other professional attributes pinned on them as first impressions because they know the power of first impression in attraction. The commotion this situation causes among men excites a lot of women & that’s why many end up flaunting it everywhere with catchy captions on their social medias. Captions that seek to get validation from the male species. 

However, the initial physical attraction factor is something many women have failed to understand & when you tell that to them, they’ll think you’re perverted & only flirting, simply running after their southern parts. You can’t blame them though because it’s a common occurrence & this now is the stage where the man has to actually prove his intensions. Like the same way we can’t understand some feminine issues like the magnitude of menstrual pains, they can’t understand some ways of a man either & we’re supposed to peacefully coexist with that.  

Me and Writing (The Genesis).

2021, looked at it it as the rebirth from all the mayhem of 2020. In Uganda, most parts ushered it in with a heavy downpour just at the stroke of midnight and we signified it as a start of a new beginning. Here on my site, I’ll start with a story on how I began my writing jouney…to the blogging bit.

Because I usually come across a number of things, especially those that affect our daily social, emotional life, I usually get an opinion which I prefer to share in written form. That is how I usually can best express myself for I am a shy guy when it comes to facing crowds. I know many people who can dispute that though. And also some people think I know everything about life. Literally. I don’t blame them though but I don’t. Just like they don’t.

Writing is one of those hobbies that have stuck with me for a long time & I started doing so in the early 2000’s with what was meant to be a song. However, a friend of mine read it & thought it was a great poem & thus decided to send it to a girl in the next class. The canes we were served thereafter were much more than the quails God gave the Israelites in the desert. From there, not much took place till 2005 when I joined secondary school.

I started with writing songs which I later cut short, edited & turned into poems & mini stories because I personally thought they sounded so bad, boring & annoying (the songs).

Around that period, I was a committed literature student so it just fueled my passion. My mastery of the English language in my class then, turned me into a favorite of sorts among both fellow students & teachers (Not to forget the crush I had on my literature/English student teacher in Senior 2. She was a young intern but the cute bird was transferred before we could even make a serious move). Yeah, I wished that much.

Writing got so good I even started writing for other students love letters to take to their darlings (Yup. You, the alumni of mine reading this, never know one of the best lines your love might have sent you was written by me & you were there instead praising them). Even all my ex’s did literature so this means reading & writing was a must-to-have character for me to start considering you dating goals.

I started putting my works on Facebook. Trying to open up  to the world but one day as I was chilling on my business, I got an emissary from a part of my family with a complaint that I was putting erotic content on line and it may kill my image. Out of anger for these people’s lack of respect for my art and stepping over that part of my boundary, I shifted my craft to another platform and that was how I joined the amazing WordPress.

WordPress

I like listening to music (occasionally), watching movies & documentaries & will usually pull out something to write down what has tickled my mind. It could be a line in a song, movie or a piece of literature. I then need good music & or a good photo (Especially about landscape, the sea, stars. Abstract paintings. Pictures of people who aren’t really aware of the camera’s presence.) These help to bring out the deep emotions in me that put the right words in my mind to describe how I feel & thus end up writing something good. (The three emotions being; extreme anger, fear & happiness.)

Because I am a person who can best express through writing, I draw my inspiration from many fields of life making me more of a versatile creative writer who isn’t bound to one topic as I have proven ability to write about love, education, events, intimacy, motivation & inspiration & much more in a rather laid back style. A light, none assertive style yet powerful enough to leave an impression on a reader’s mind.

I strive to mostly write about subjects that happen in our daily lives. Issues that affect how we live & perceive things. Stories of my personal experiences. Stories people tell me of their lives. Deep stuff. I turn them into my narrative. Third persona usually. Morgan Freeman style & then use them to preach to others that are facing similar situations. In an inspirational or correctional point of view. You can check me out here https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com & https://medium.com/@kinenemarvin (for the erotic minds)

I hope to one day write for a magazine, website or newspaper & also through my works, become a great speaker & an inspiration to other writers, lovers, readers, the tired & nearly giving ups, the heart broken & myself.

Thank you. Especially if you can help me realize that dream.