Category: relationships

Day 9 of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021 Gender-Based Violence. How We Can Stop It.

Gender-Based Violence. We have created a hopeless situation by mistreating people majorly according to their sex/ gender, socially, emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

The 2016 Uganda Demographic and Health Survey revealed that up to 22% of women aged 15 to 49 in the country had experienced some form of sexual violence. The report also revealed that 13% of women aged 15 to 49 report experiencing sexual violence annually. This translates to more than 1 million women exposed to sexual violence every year in Uganda.
Combating gender-based violence is not something that one person could only do but as a pool of different entities because of its hydra-like embedment in society. you deal with one then the other keeps rearing its head. However, below, simplistically put are some of the ways we could combat GBV.

1. Teach humanity values in schools. Right from the onset, children should be taught the values of humanity. The importance of one another regardless of skin, sex, tribe, or gender. It could easily be taught in schools because some of the homes from where these children come are run by people who never got the chance to be made aware of these issues and still practice them as normal but if we invest in the younger generation, we are sure they will pass this knowledge and awareness to generations and generations.

2. Strengthen education/ social awareness. Relatedly, Education systems should be woven around eliminating gender norms and practices through plays, classroom sitting arrangements, activity allocations, education material genderisations like stories & colors among others. Through this, children would develop without attaching gender stereotypes on the different objects, stories like associating colour pink to girls, toy cars to boys etc.

3. Strengthen gender ministries and how they could foster the eradication of gender stereotypes in the public. This could be done through partnering with the different gender departments within the ministries to organize conferences, seminars, and other activities where they could reach out to the public and tell them of the different gender biases in society and how to fight them. They could also be used to reach out to the different government departments and teach them about gender and how it is a disease in society and ways of eradicating it so that these departments could be aware and try as hard in eliminating it when designing their projects.

4. Strengthen social inclusion projects especially for the women or groups facing gender inequalities in the respective spaces where they are participating especially in activities that further support their freedom of expression and social wellbeing.

5. Enforce the use of law and the justice systems so that when people bring these cases to light, they are strongly and immediately responded to and the corresponding punishments are felt worthy. So many vices stay around due to the justice system’s failure to remit the right punishments thus not offering grave convictions that perpetrators would fear facing as according to their crimes.

In conclusion, therefore, gender-based violence is a vice that we could uproot if we all come as one because of the way it is woven into the different tiers and systems of society. We need the efforts of individuals, families, institutions, communities, states & transnational blocks to triumph over this demeaning behavior.

Day Seven of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021. Break Up Blues. Is It Always Their Fault?

When a breakup occurs, usually, every one of the affected parties will play the victim card. Even the clearly guilty bustard will try to get people in their favor so that they’re not looked at with an evil eye for breaking the vows, promises & or anything the relationship stood for.

When we are breaking up with people, a mistake we make is always looking at things one way (Hoping to gain public sympathy). Always looking at the other’s faults & capitalizing on them. Usually to make them feel guilt conscious or to cover up on our mistakes. Concentrating on how bad they affected us.

But then we don’t look at us & whether of how we might have affected them. We don’t look at ourselves & our role in the breakup. We run away from wearing their shoes in the relationship. How heavy or torn they were forcing them into jumping ship.

We don’t ask ourselves whether despite the other’s faults, we too are to have stayed in their life.

It takes a great deal of courage to admit our faults in a breakup. We never ask ourselves whether our being in their life might actually have hindered their progress. How uncomfortable we may have been to live with. Most of the time, the reasons for a breakup are two-way, not just one person’s errors.

So. Before you run around spreading the word of how bae evilly broke your heart, you must as well have done some good enough self-assessment about the matter.

The Red Flags To Flag Down

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Sometimes it’s actually in the views our partner has towards love, life & the dynamics of a relationship in general & to save yourself from such blues, lookout for some of these signs about your partner & just as well, before you go any further with a relationship, have you weighed its pros & cons?

Quite often, when a relationship goes sour, it’s when we decide to roll back the film & go through so many of the things we thought we skipped that might have led to the death of our love. Placing little markings here & there trying to put the pieces together, trying to look back into the issues that we might’ve ignored.

  • Is the relationship developmental? Is it healthy for your mental wellbeing? Does it push you two to a next level in life or it’s like sitting in a car pretending it’s moving yet it has no tyres…..where the heck are you headed?
  • Have you ever featured in any of your partner’s future plans? What plans they have for the relationship? Are your partner’s views aiming at your mutual existence? They should be telling you of their future plans in which you ought to feature. They should be talking about a family & their views should be comforting to motivate you into starting a family with them. If you’re not mentioned in any of their future plans of being together, then you ought to be scared. It’s ugly to be there teething while your partner has never mentioned you in the next chapter of their life.
  • Do they respect your feelings, privacy & decisions? Do they create an atmosphere where you’re both at the same table discussing family issues together & letting your views be implemented when they’re right without feeling threatened of your presence to the power balance in the relationship? Do you have to overly explain yourself or use force to get your view across? Are they the ‘I am always right” kind of person? How do they handle your moods? How do they argue with you or handle your insecurities?
  • Is your partner professionally helpful? Are they helping you pursue your dreams & career or they’re somewhat pulling you down? Do they feel threatened by your professional life & financial power & if so, how are you dealing with it? Do they help you in the job search? Completing assignments? Giving you time to concentrate on your work? Help you draft CVs? Or it’s all about playing sex, consuming illicit stuff & binge shopping?
  • What are their views about work? Do they expect to always be provided for or they plan on working to feed the relationship? They must be willing to work so as to provide…you’re not going to eat dirt are you?
  • What are their reaction & relationship towards the opposite sex? Are they the type that gets overly excited when they meet people of the others? How do they talk of them? How do they flirt & react to flirts? If more attention is given to others even in your presence, then be scared.
  • Is there openness in the relationship & to what level? That moment when you touch your partner’s property & they come crashing down on you like a buffalo. When you try to give them feedback & they always going offensive. What’re they insecure of? What’re they hiding & scared of?
  • Analyze their spending. Some people spend on things they don’t need, excessive partying, traveling etc. & this is a good way to go broke. What’re your partner’s views about life? Are they planning on living on the next level or they only look at living for that moment?
  • Check their saving culture. Are they saving for what’s worthy? Some people love to live for the day & forget that there’s tomorrow…that’s a lack of foresight.
  • Is your partner hanging with the right people? Those that will help push them to the next level or it’s a bunch of happy go lucky idiots whose goal is to hit all happening joints around town? Are they ones that impart constructive knowledge to your partner or feed them lies & false egos? Are they introducing them to the right people or to other potential partners? You should watch out.
  • Does he/she introduce you to the right people (family) & positive people like bosses, influential people or fellow rag tags?
  • Be wary if your partner doesn’t seem to get over their ex…You may find yourself ditched & they be back together.
  • Help yourselves either where you can; physically, emotionally or financially because in this current trend, it’s hard for one person to carry the whole relationship on their back. Remember; it’s a mutual relationship not a sexual or business partnership.

Much its things you should look out for in your partner, they may as well be the things about you so before you start questioning your partner, find out whether none of them apply to you as well. Otherwise ……Best Of Luck

The City We Walked.

There was a time when we used to walk the streets together. Hand in hand I held you like my purse. Side by side like a holster. Babe, oh, those times when we was together. Lovers. I used to cling to you like a sticker. The ones we walk past on the street lamps of Kampala, Uganda.

Now I see you on the city streets walking with another girl. On the pavements we treaded. I feel like calling out your name but I am afraid to disrupt your romantic stroll.

You & her, hand in hand, like how you used to hold mine now you hold hers while retracing our lanes like we used to, me & you. Now it’s you & her. And I remember the shops we used to go to. The restaurants we ate & dined from. Are you taking her there now? Seating her in the chair I used to? The corner I liked? The same table jokes? Fuck this small city & the familiar streets. Its habits and its traits.

I wanted to call out your name but at that moment, the traffic lights turned green as I saw my lover turning a corner with another woman.

Silence In A Relationship

Apart from saying that silence is a form of communication because by keeping silent you’re communicating that you don’t actually want to say anything, they have also added that silence is the best weapon. That is especially supported by the ladies. That gender! So many a times when the lady wants to get you tripping into confessing even the sins you did before you guys ever thought of dating each other, she’ll keep quiet & shut you out. In that process if the guy isn’t strong willed, he’ll cower & come out of his hole & talk everything that she’s hoping he would say or do things she wants him to do that she knew she would fail to get if she asked for them verbally & boy has it has always worked. The dreaded silent treatment.

Silence is surely one of the best ways to communicate that something isn’t right without even having to break a sweat trying to speak a word & works best if your partner knows how to interpret it. It has always worked & during its course, some people have broken down & confessed things that leave many dumbfounded. Yes, it’s that strong.

However, silence as a tool of communication has its negatives but which also come with solutions like;

Prolonging the silence. If you see that your partner has noticed your silence & is willing to talk then drop it, open up & voice your reasons because prolonging the silence may force the other to think that actually things are over. You may think you’re on the winning end when actually the other is starting to get over you & move on & by the time you decide to talk, it’s too late to save anything. But if they show signs of wanting you to open up & discuss the matter then drop it & state your issue because they’re human so they erred & now they want to make amends for it. You’ve achieved your goal so now it’s time to settle down & find solutions.

Your silent treatment must be for a genuine reason because since it is usually a delicate matter, misusing it & making it a common occurrence will make it lose its value & eventually you will get negative responses from your partner because there will reach a time when they’ll think you’re just playing & your target will never be resolved. That’s if your partner isn’t nagged already because of your constant demand for attention especially in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.


If you notice your partner is silent, take it slow & easy. Don’t trip all over the place like a wet chicken or lose your cool & rush to sudden conclusions before you hear what they’re silent about. You may also try to pay back & act tough yet in the meanwhile, your partner is getting frustrated & moving away due to your lack of attention to detail, pride or insensitivity & by the time you decide to act on it, they’d be half way out of your life.

Relatedly, you must as well learn to read your partner’s body language. You should be able to notice when they’re silent & how they should be treated when they’re giving the silent treatment. Some people are known to shut down when their partners are in this state & instead of both coming together to discuss the matter, they’re both competing to see who holds the record for the longest silence & in the end they end up being very frustrated love birds with unresolved issues that will keep on recurring thus leading to a very disgruntled relationship because eventually the silence turns to anger & fights.

Therefore, learn the tricks that bring your partner out of their silent cave. It may be ice cream, pizza, affection to some part, your response to her body language. You may have your secret dance, jokes or anything. In a good relationship, there are always those things that couples do only known by themselves that can create magic between the two & after they’ve shown signs of willingness to talk, sit down & give in your full attention & cooperation to the matter at hand because your indifference to a silent partner may be an indicator to your lack of desire in working out things in the relationship & if there’s no corporation between lovers especially in clearing the stumbling blocks in their relationship then what else are they living together for?

 
So, in case you’re thinking of using the silent treatment, think before, know for how long & it must be for a genuine reason. You wouldn’t want to find yourself silent in a situation where you’re totally in the wrong. Embarrassing.
Thanks for reading, stay loving. See you wedding after surviving COVID-19.