Category: inspiration

Day 5 Of The Afrobloggers #WinterABC2021What Should be the Mood For Social Media?

Do not post your issues on social media”. It is childish to put your problems out there. Find a way to address them”. This is advocacy & activism week of the #winterABC2021 & we’re post to be standing up for something. Today I am standing up for those who personally & or physically have no one to talk to but social media & against those who always find amusement in shutting them down.
We have come across posts of this kind in our different Social Media. Where people are dictating on others about what to post yet I have never seen it recommended anywhere when I am opening accounts on any social media that “Thou shall only post content where thee are happy so that you can please they? Have you? If you have, please send me the screenshot, the link. I need to be woke.


Therefore, I have come to realize that we our very own selves are the ones that are fueling the depression that we keep trending around. We are the ones that keep asking where humanity is headed to yet we are the ones that keep fuelling it low key. Why are we forcing people to keep up with a lifestyle that they cannot afford? Borrowing clothes to look lit, forcing to hangout in places where they cannot afford to be. Girls sleeping for
tickets to events just to keep up appearances. Like as if there is a prize for having the flyest social media account on line.


How can someone come out seeking help and the best we can do is to tell them that it is childish to bring forth our ‘dark’ issues online. That they are best resolved off of the internet. I thought it’s called social media for a reason not please me media. How does that even work? Where are our hearts? Where is our humanity? The world is destroying itself slowly by slowly. People on suicide through depression and we’re telling people that when they post their issues they are childish? When people come out for help and we tell them that it is childish, so when are we going to help them? What is a mature person supposed to post? I need a memo. Are we even intending to help them? Are we even worthy of being friends? If you cannot help someone then shut the fuck up, scroll away and ignore. You may just as well unfriend them and keep the happy lot that are
entertaining you on your TLs.

Depression is a killer and when someone comes out depressed them you say it ain’t real.
People are out there depressed. People are out there suffering. People are out there fighting their demons and instead of bringing them closer, we are busy calling them childish? Maybe before someone friends you you should tell them to also keep it sunny.


Just because you can silently afford to handle your issues silently doesn’t mean anyone else can. Just because you have contacts that at one click away can help you out doesn’t
mean any one else does. We are not at the same point in life. We do not have the access to the same resources, cool friends and supportive families. Nope. We are different. And so by the time someone comes out for help then it is deep. Then it is real. People are
suffering. People are desperate. People are hurting. People are abused, bruised and stripped. Cheated. Betrayed. People are depressed.
We are destroying ourselves. We are destroying humanity. Discrediting it. So unless we listen and offer some help, we should just shut the fuck up and stop talking about depression any way. Are you the social media police officer in charge of happiness?
For this matter, if you are out there depressed and need someone to listen to you, you can hit me up in my DM. I may not be in position to help you financially or physically but I will listen and talk to you best way I can. I hear “You’re posting childish”. Fuck
you. Yes I am pissed so bad I am boiling. God.

Happy 4th Anniversary To My Site

In July 2020, my site made 100 followers so by 2021, I wanted to make 150. When 2021 came, I’d already hit the 200th mark. All the way up. For that I am thrilled. The gradual growth always keeps me driving forward. 

2017 stats

Apart from the growth above, my site made 4 years this 3rd month of the year, March. Yeyyyy. It’s been a crazy journey so far. Damn! https://randomthoughtsofshadray.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/me-and-writing-the-genesis/

Growing a following is one thing. Creating content to keep that audience & attracting new followers is another but just like someone who is passionate about something, the effort has to be planted & each reaction on your blog celebrated. 

2018 stats

A lot of thanks is given to the very supportive African blogging community particularly the Afrobloggers community. From pushing our works to accommodating supportive people who’re not only open to collaborations but also sharing important creative tips that have enabled me to stay relevant in such a highly competitive field. 

2019 stats

Thanks also go out to my people who keep on reading & reacting to my pieces. You guys give me the energy. This new age couldn’t have been achieved if you haven’t been doing what you doing on my page. 

2020 stats

I love you all & I’ll try the best way I could to keep you hooked. 

2021 as of today.

Happy four years to us once again. 

Personal Relationships & The Public

internet image

They have always advised that it is more better we keep our intimate relationships away from the public (These days, social media) because truth be told, not everyone is going to be happy about you too together and in the event that it hits some snags, there are some that are going to make the situation as dramatic as a telenovela. That is humanity. That is life. You would be saved from looking like a love failure. A life lesson for many and you’ll miss out on the peace that comes with silent relationship breakups.

But let me tell you, a relationship where people do not come up & tell you how good you are together is boring. It’s less charming. Once in a while we need to hear external minds about our relationships & from there we may learn a thing or two.

Sometimes we know less of the people who say they love us than the public or the people outside of our relationship. People that have been with them longer than we have & usually take some of their thoughts lightly until we are way in too deep a wrong relationship.

Much as we love our partners for our own selves (obviously), public interest is also very important. That’s why you’ll always find fun talking about your spouse to someone who cares to listen & usually seek advice the same way where necessary. Take relationship counsellors for example. There will always be that pride. Seeing the adoration on other people’s faces when you are talking about bae is priceless. Hearing them say how they wish theirs was like yours is unmatchable.

If your partner always endeavors to keep your relationship out of the public, including family then you’re in a tricky situation. They may be either protecting you from the haters or they’re hiding you from those that know their dark secrets.

However, you shouldn’t reveal all because this might give people who want to take you down a chance to know how to do it. Every relationship has its cracks and some people are too good or always out there looking for those cracks. The moment they land on them, the effect may be much bigger than the tsunami.

Don’t Make Her A Single Mother

This is the women’s month and Women’s Day is just around the corner so I found it wise to send them this love letter… and to the men too. This is all about us…and it children.

A woman loved a man. She loved him hard and he played the part. Her dreams were coming true. She was going to be a wife to a loving man and then have him a couple of beautiful littluns making him a father and altogether become a beautiful family.

So when he wooed her heart, she gave to him one of her most precious assets, her sexuality. You can’t blame her because she looked at this man as the perfect candidate to make a family with. Probably because, in the course of dating, he presented that dream quite too often and seriously and so a child they got for a family she hoped they would make.

The bastard instead, was just for a joy ride so once the tot was delivered, off he ran. To the hills or the valleys, across the plains or the mountains no one knew for he disappeared faster than he came into her life. Probably to spread his horn further. A heartbroken female, he left behind. A dadless child he left behind. Abandoned.

Broken heart. Shattered dreams. Hurt emotions and literally a fatherless child with a husbandless mother. She now has to fend for not only herself but for her child too. It is like it was a mistake for her to give in herself to him. Like it was her blunder to leave every other suitor for him. Such a heartless coward.

The world has never really been a cool shade for single moms. The blame they go through for having given in to a man that couldn’t commit. The promiscuous stigmatization they are given. We tend to label them being loose. We tend to pile the blame on her and turn blind to the idiot that played with her heart. That failed to act like a man and take charge of the results from his horn. The struggle they go through finding another suitor that won’t traumatize them for what happened before. Bringing it up in every argument, the insecurities, the ignoring of the child that came with her. That it’s her responsibility and that he starts from where he came into her picture.

A single mother is like a sheep in the wilderness full of wolf packs. Like Survivor Island, she has to keep up or be left behind. She lives in denial of her reality. Having to hide the child from possible suitors thinking they will jump ship once they know she got extra ‘baggage’.  Many men will think she is loose and try to gain sexual favors from her or that she is in a constant disparate need for help (which may be true) and try to get sexual in exchange for help. That is a sad reality. Hardly will any of them try to commit. Many fear that responsibility. “How can I father a child I didn’t father?” It is sad. It hurts.

Now literary alone in the world, that is if her family didn’t ignore her too because many think it is taboo for a woman to have a child and not live with its father. A shame to the family name and also if the father’s family doesn’t treat her any different, she now has to fend for school fees so that the baby gets an education, medical care, housing, food, clothes, belonging and identity, and all this while the father, the husband that was supposed to be is out there sexing other women. Probably they also know that he absconded from his parental responsibilities somewhere but what the heck, he said he loves me too so let the sista find a way to survive with her kid am moving on with the man now.

To the families that are raising the boy child, please teach that boy before he thinks he is now a man that women ought to be respected, honored, cherished, protected and loved. That sex is not everything and once they take on the sex activities, they must be ready for the consequences that come after. That live sex doesn’t give birth to a TV, car or anything but a baby and it is that child, their own seed that they’re going to subject a lot of mental torture to the moment they decide to close the door on them.

Dear player, if at all you don’t have plans of making that woman your wife then don’t make her a mother for nothing. Withdraw, wear a condom or don’t sex her at all and if at all you aren’t ready to take care of a woman and her child then stay away from single mothers. It is that simple. It is not a life she called for.

 Just as well, dear woman, not everything male that says it loves you really does so you do not have to open your legs for them without protection just because they said they love you. Let that niga take his time dating you if need bes while in that moment you’re looking out for the father figure in him. There are always red flags to look out for and yes, some things are actually worth the wait if you’re committed to looking out for the best.

Of Inspirational Speakers’ Dilemma

Has someone ever spoken to you so real you feel like they have been reading the guide of your life first hand? When every word they are speaking pierces you to the core? Usually, it is so deep by the time the encounter is over, you just don’t want to see them ever! A common occurrence for inspiration speakers & that is why people don’t like them. Let me put myself into the same boat, they don’t like us.

It is because most of us are control freaks. Many of us like to always have our will be done. Wired to think that our issues & personal experiences are the best things to draw messages from without taking into consideration that the other person on the receiving end also has their life experiences that might just as well be more grievous than ours have been.


Most people when giving advice don’t let the other to talk. It’s usually because they have issues with being challenged by someone they feel is inferior. The moment the other person starts speaking then they label them being rebellious, poor listeners, self-defenders & such yet the best way to communicate & have your message delivered is to allow a two-way discussion. Sometimes even if as an inspiration speaker you may be right, you have to listen to what the other person has to say instead of calling them names. Since it’s their life that you’re tackling then it is best you listen to what they have to say. Their argument may just as well be the link you need to solve the riddle.


We, Inspiration speakers, should also know that we’re not always right & people are not entitled to live their lives the way the inspirers want nor is it a sure deal that the ideas we have will also work on the other person because people are unique. What works for you may not work for the other.


You’re an inspirer who has a job that earns you like a million on which you can save about two hundred thousand shillings a month & you’re telling someone who earns about four hundred thousand shillings to also save about two hundred thousand shillings. Who are you kidding?


There’s also the mistake made that people think that what inspires them should also be inspire the others. People have different views, hustles, stuff to deal with that may not necessarily role with the kind of people you look up to. It’s best an inspirer understands what this person is going through & then looks for a person who was in that very situation & uses their example to inspire this person. Or maybe someone who did something that got them somewhere & sure this person too can relate.


Then there are those who are just too boring & aggressive. 1, 2 into the jazz & they’re already throwing inspiration vibes around. It gets boring & common. There’s a lot of things to talk about other than discussing someone’s life & looking into what they’re doing wrong. Sometimes we just have to let people mess up a bit so that they learn from it. I know it sounds kinda evil, right?


We must all learn to respect the fact that we all get inspired by different things. If you’re inspired by Bill Gates another person is inspired by Ronaldo or Beyoncé etc. It’s their life & that’s what keeps them going as long as they are not breaking the law. But you find an inspirer seriously rebuking the other over what they like & believe in. Over what one reads, listens to, does on social media & watches on TV just because it is not in not in line with what the inspirer believes in.


I must say the responsibility of being an inspiration speaker is not easy but forcing someone to get inspired is not the best approach. Sometimes it takes time & getting angry when challenged & such doesn’t get the message delivered. People are unique & until you get that, you’ll see people running away from you every time you start throwing your inspiration vibes around.


Sometimes though we might be the help someone needs, we’re not fully 100% the right Messiahs in everyone’s lives.