Category: heartbreak

Day Seven of The Afrobloggers #Winterabc2021. Break Up Blues. Is It Always Their Fault?

When a breakup occurs, usually, every one of the affected parties will play the victim card. Even the clearly guilty bustard will try to get people in their favor so that they’re not looked at with an evil eye for breaking the vows, promises & or anything the relationship stood for.

When we are breaking up with people, a mistake we make is always looking at things one way (Hoping to gain public sympathy). Always looking at the other’s faults & capitalizing on them. Usually to make them feel guilt conscious or to cover up on our mistakes. Concentrating on how bad they affected us.

But then we don’t look at us & whether of how we might have affected them. We don’t look at ourselves & our role in the breakup. We run away from wearing their shoes in the relationship. How heavy or torn they were forcing them into jumping ship.

We don’t ask ourselves whether despite the other’s faults, we too are to have stayed in their life.

It takes a great deal of courage to admit our faults in a breakup. We never ask ourselves whether our being in their life might actually have hindered their progress. How uncomfortable we may have been to live with. Most of the time, the reasons for a breakup are two-way, not just one person’s errors.

So. Before you run around spreading the word of how bae evilly broke your heart, you must as well have done some good enough self-assessment about the matter.

The Red Flags To Flag Down

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Sometimes it’s actually in the views our partner has towards love, life & the dynamics of a relationship in general & to save yourself from such blues, lookout for some of these signs about your partner & just as well, before you go any further with a relationship, have you weighed its pros & cons?

Quite often, when a relationship goes sour, it’s when we decide to roll back the film & go through so many of the things we thought we skipped that might have led to the death of our love. Placing little markings here & there trying to put the pieces together, trying to look back into the issues that we might’ve ignored.

  • Is the relationship developmental? Is it healthy for your mental wellbeing? Does it push you two to a next level in life or it’s like sitting in a car pretending it’s moving yet it has no tyres…..where the heck are you headed?
  • Have you ever featured in any of your partner’s future plans? What plans they have for the relationship? Are your partner’s views aiming at your mutual existence? They should be telling you of their future plans in which you ought to feature. They should be talking about a family & their views should be comforting to motivate you into starting a family with them. If you’re not mentioned in any of their future plans of being together, then you ought to be scared. It’s ugly to be there teething while your partner has never mentioned you in the next chapter of their life.
  • Do they respect your feelings, privacy & decisions? Do they create an atmosphere where you’re both at the same table discussing family issues together & letting your views be implemented when they’re right without feeling threatened of your presence to the power balance in the relationship? Do you have to overly explain yourself or use force to get your view across? Are they the ‘I am always right” kind of person? How do they handle your moods? How do they argue with you or handle your insecurities?
  • Is your partner professionally helpful? Are they helping you pursue your dreams & career or they’re somewhat pulling you down? Do they feel threatened by your professional life & financial power & if so, how are you dealing with it? Do they help you in the job search? Completing assignments? Giving you time to concentrate on your work? Help you draft CVs? Or it’s all about playing sex, consuming illicit stuff & binge shopping?
  • What are their views about work? Do they expect to always be provided for or they plan on working to feed the relationship? They must be willing to work so as to provide…you’re not going to eat dirt are you?
  • What are their reaction & relationship towards the opposite sex? Are they the type that gets overly excited when they meet people of the others? How do they talk of them? How do they flirt & react to flirts? If more attention is given to others even in your presence, then be scared.
  • Is there openness in the relationship & to what level? That moment when you touch your partner’s property & they come crashing down on you like a buffalo. When you try to give them feedback & they always going offensive. What’re they insecure of? What’re they hiding & scared of?
  • Analyze their spending. Some people spend on things they don’t need, excessive partying, traveling etc. & this is a good way to go broke. What’re your partner’s views about life? Are they planning on living on the next level or they only look at living for that moment?
  • Check their saving culture. Are they saving for what’s worthy? Some people love to live for the day & forget that there’s tomorrow…that’s a lack of foresight.
  • Is your partner hanging with the right people? Those that will help push them to the next level or it’s a bunch of happy go lucky idiots whose goal is to hit all happening joints around town? Are they ones that impart constructive knowledge to your partner or feed them lies & false egos? Are they introducing them to the right people or to other potential partners? You should watch out.
  • Does he/she introduce you to the right people (family) & positive people like bosses, influential people or fellow rag tags?
  • Be wary if your partner doesn’t seem to get over their ex…You may find yourself ditched & they be back together.
  • Help yourselves either where you can; physically, emotionally or financially because in this current trend, it’s hard for one person to carry the whole relationship on their back. Remember; it’s a mutual relationship not a sexual or business partnership.

Much its things you should look out for in your partner, they may as well be the things about you so before you start questioning your partner, find out whether none of them apply to you as well. Otherwise ……Best Of Luck

The City We Walked.

There was a time when we used to walk the streets together. Hand in hand I held you like my purse. Side by side like a holster. Babe, oh, those times when we was together. Lovers. I used to cling to you like a sticker. The ones we walk past on the street lamps of Kampala, Uganda.

Now I see you on the city streets walking with another girl. On the pavements we treaded. I feel like calling out your name but I am afraid to disrupt your romantic stroll.

You & her, hand in hand, like how you used to hold mine now you hold hers while retracing our lanes like we used to, me & you. Now it’s you & her. And I remember the shops we used to go to. The restaurants we ate & dined from. Are you taking her there now? Seating her in the chair I used to? The corner I liked? The same table jokes? Fuck this small city & the familiar streets. Its habits and its traits.

I wanted to call out your name but at that moment, the traffic lights turned green as I saw my lover turning a corner with another woman.

Our Last Time.

I want to love you properly. Like it is my last time. Your last time. Anyways, it is our last time. Never to see us again, our last wish. Loving someone else, our worst wish. Never to make plans with you again, our lost wish. Never falling in love again with us, our feared wish…so I want to make this be our best time. Sadly, our last time.

I want to hold you proper. Talk to you proper. I want to laugh with you again. Hear that loud chuckle one last time. I loved how you used to look at me deeply. Your eyes piercing into my soul sharply. I felt them. They had love written all over them & I fearfully loved it.

I want to make love to you proper. Break you down and build you up again. With sweat, emotions, and ecstasy, girl, you loved that intimacy, because boy oh boy I sure did it better. I held your hand better on them walks. The walks up the hill. Or the romance on the boda. Weaving through traffic like them roads we owned. The dancing in the room. My Miss Uganda. I made your mind calmer and listened to your dreams clearer. The tears in your eyes I made them disappear faster and on my chest, you laid better. Sweet peace.

But now you are gone. Regrettable tears for the moves we didn’t make. Chess pieces. Like the wind you gonna blow away and fat chance, I’ll never see you again…unless if the world pulls a sneaky one on us…otherwise, this seems like it’s our last time. Wish I could spend it with you because I am sure you will love it. This one last time, the Kindle to the Kitty.

Of Promises & Trust Issues

I’ve met a friend who told me he doesn’t promise. Especially when it comes to love. For some things that have been done over & over again & their fail rate has remained constant, it should be understandable as to why they should be abandoned all the same.

He told me he’s been down that road very many a times. Always hoping for the best to come out of it. How he’s given in time, hopes & most definitely, his heart. He’s stripped himself bare trying to be the perfect one for these daughters of Eve. He told of his visions & made plans. How he’s groomed himself to each one of their recipe of perfection. Trying to be their ideal figure of a perfect gentleman & hopefully, a capable father to their kids and all of this coming with a promise that he’ll be the best they’ve ever had. The one they’ve always dreamt. I too have fucking been there.


When at the end of it all, I don’t know if I’ve not measured up enough. I don’t know if I’ve sinned all too much for God to acknowledge my dreams & help me keep my end of the promise but these daughters of Eve have always found any reason under the setting sun to walk out of my life like I am plagued. They’ve made me question my sanity, my ambitions, my esteem. I’ve fucking been depressed because of them. I’ve lost my mind & broken down terribly because I thought I was worthless & not good enough for anybody. Because if someone leaves you for no sensible reason, what exactly are you left to think the blame is?

Do you even know what it means for someone to make you promise & they also swear on those very promises & then they go ahead to break each & every promise they made? Each word by word to the very last like they’re ticking off some wish list without remorse, guilt or whatever you want to call it & then they get the mother fucking audacity to tell you to get over it? Like you’re some sort of emotionless creature with a stone heart & iron hide skin?

Do people know what it means to walk around with scars on your heart covering each inch of where your vision was? Of where your hope was? Of where your…promise was?

For crying out loud I got tired all the same. I resorted to living. Hoping that maybe, a rare daughter of Eve will simply love me as is & not make me fly on deceit & empty promises just to let me fall down like I am a wretch of this earth. I …. Don’t even know how to finish this.