Category: friendship

Day 5 Of The Afrobloggers #WinterABC2021What Should be the Mood For Social Media?

Do not post your issues on social media”. It is childish to put your problems out there. Find a way to address them”. This is advocacy & activism week of the #winterABC2021 & we’re post to be standing up for something. Today I am standing up for those who personally & or physically have no one to talk to but social media & against those who always find amusement in shutting them down.
We have come across posts of this kind in our different Social Media. Where people are dictating on others about what to post yet I have never seen it recommended anywhere when I am opening accounts on any social media that “Thou shall only post content where thee are happy so that you can please they? Have you? If you have, please send me the screenshot, the link. I need to be woke.


Therefore, I have come to realize that we our very own selves are the ones that are fueling the depression that we keep trending around. We are the ones that keep asking where humanity is headed to yet we are the ones that keep fuelling it low key. Why are we forcing people to keep up with a lifestyle that they cannot afford? Borrowing clothes to look lit, forcing to hangout in places where they cannot afford to be. Girls sleeping for
tickets to events just to keep up appearances. Like as if there is a prize for having the flyest social media account on line.


How can someone come out seeking help and the best we can do is to tell them that it is childish to bring forth our ‘dark’ issues online. That they are best resolved off of the internet. I thought it’s called social media for a reason not please me media. How does that even work? Where are our hearts? Where is our humanity? The world is destroying itself slowly by slowly. People on suicide through depression and we’re telling people that when they post their issues they are childish? When people come out for help and we tell them that it is childish, so when are we going to help them? What is a mature person supposed to post? I need a memo. Are we even intending to help them? Are we even worthy of being friends? If you cannot help someone then shut the fuck up, scroll away and ignore. You may just as well unfriend them and keep the happy lot that are
entertaining you on your TLs.

Depression is a killer and when someone comes out depressed them you say it ain’t real.
People are out there depressed. People are out there suffering. People are out there fighting their demons and instead of bringing them closer, we are busy calling them childish? Maybe before someone friends you you should tell them to also keep it sunny.


Just because you can silently afford to handle your issues silently doesn’t mean anyone else can. Just because you have contacts that at one click away can help you out doesn’t
mean any one else does. We are not at the same point in life. We do not have the access to the same resources, cool friends and supportive families. Nope. We are different. And so by the time someone comes out for help then it is deep. Then it is real. People are
suffering. People are desperate. People are hurting. People are abused, bruised and stripped. Cheated. Betrayed. People are depressed.
We are destroying ourselves. We are destroying humanity. Discrediting it. So unless we listen and offer some help, we should just shut the fuck up and stop talking about depression any way. Are you the social media police officer in charge of happiness?
For this matter, if you are out there depressed and need someone to listen to you, you can hit me up in my DM. I may not be in position to help you financially or physically but I will listen and talk to you best way I can. I hear “You’re posting childish”. Fuck
you. Yes I am pissed so bad I am boiling. God.

The Red Flags To Flag Down

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Sometimes it’s actually in the views our partner has towards love, life & the dynamics of a relationship in general & to save yourself from such blues, lookout for some of these signs about your partner & just as well, before you go any further with a relationship, have you weighed its pros & cons?

Quite often, when a relationship goes sour, it’s when we decide to roll back the film & go through so many of the things we thought we skipped that might have led to the death of our love. Placing little markings here & there trying to put the pieces together, trying to look back into the issues that we might’ve ignored.

  • Is the relationship developmental? Is it healthy for your mental wellbeing? Does it push you two to a next level in life or it’s like sitting in a car pretending it’s moving yet it has no tyres…..where the heck are you headed?
  • Have you ever featured in any of your partner’s future plans? What plans they have for the relationship? Are your partner’s views aiming at your mutual existence? They should be telling you of their future plans in which you ought to feature. They should be talking about a family & their views should be comforting to motivate you into starting a family with them. If you’re not mentioned in any of their future plans of being together, then you ought to be scared. It’s ugly to be there teething while your partner has never mentioned you in the next chapter of their life.
  • Do they respect your feelings, privacy & decisions? Do they create an atmosphere where you’re both at the same table discussing family issues together & letting your views be implemented when they’re right without feeling threatened of your presence to the power balance in the relationship? Do you have to overly explain yourself or use force to get your view across? Are they the ‘I am always right” kind of person? How do they handle your moods? How do they argue with you or handle your insecurities?
  • Is your partner professionally helpful? Are they helping you pursue your dreams & career or they’re somewhat pulling you down? Do they feel threatened by your professional life & financial power & if so, how are you dealing with it? Do they help you in the job search? Completing assignments? Giving you time to concentrate on your work? Help you draft CVs? Or it’s all about playing sex, consuming illicit stuff & binge shopping?
  • What are their views about work? Do they expect to always be provided for or they plan on working to feed the relationship? They must be willing to work so as to provide…you’re not going to eat dirt are you?
  • What are their reaction & relationship towards the opposite sex? Are they the type that gets overly excited when they meet people of the others? How do they talk of them? How do they flirt & react to flirts? If more attention is given to others even in your presence, then be scared.
  • Is there openness in the relationship & to what level? That moment when you touch your partner’s property & they come crashing down on you like a buffalo. When you try to give them feedback & they always going offensive. What’re they insecure of? What’re they hiding & scared of?
  • Analyze their spending. Some people spend on things they don’t need, excessive partying, traveling etc. & this is a good way to go broke. What’re your partner’s views about life? Are they planning on living on the next level or they only look at living for that moment?
  • Check their saving culture. Are they saving for what’s worthy? Some people love to live for the day & forget that there’s tomorrow…that’s a lack of foresight.
  • Is your partner hanging with the right people? Those that will help push them to the next level or it’s a bunch of happy go lucky idiots whose goal is to hit all happening joints around town? Are they ones that impart constructive knowledge to your partner or feed them lies & false egos? Are they introducing them to the right people or to other potential partners? You should watch out.
  • Does he/she introduce you to the right people (family) & positive people like bosses, influential people or fellow rag tags?
  • Be wary if your partner doesn’t seem to get over their ex…You may find yourself ditched & they be back together.
  • Help yourselves either where you can; physically, emotionally or financially because in this current trend, it’s hard for one person to carry the whole relationship on their back. Remember; it’s a mutual relationship not a sexual or business partnership.

Much its things you should look out for in your partner, they may as well be the things about you so before you start questioning your partner, find out whether none of them apply to you as well. Otherwise ……Best Of Luck

Of Good Character, Rashida’s Qualities…Of A Perfect Partner

Sometime in 2020, during one of those (#MeToo campaigns), There was a social media topic about people’s characters. Commonly, such topics involve qualities one looks out for in a partner. Amongst a number of comments on a certain post I can’t seem to find anymore was a comment by Rashida Namulondo, a poet and actress. I was so captivated by a fellow creative’s comment that I had to capture it and reproduce it for the world to see how beautiful she described qualities of her potential partner.

So, below she said…

‘’People are not perfect!  It depends on what you are looking for. Personally I want a good person, be it a romantic relationship, work relationship or friend. This is how I know a good person that I want in my life.

  • How he treats people around him especially support staff like waiters and cleaners. How he treats colleagues under his supervisor and he is in a superior position than them. It’s very easy to see someone’s manners in these situations of power play.
  • How open is he to the fact that he’s still learning, and that other people’s opinions and perspective on life counts just like his? Basically, I can’t handle people who think they are better than others and have this ‘I am right’ attitude.
  • How does he handle conflict? Let’s say for example, he bumps into someone on the road. Does he accept blame or goes on cursing and denies blame. Now, I know even the best of people curse on Ugandan roads but there are people who go beyond. Also, is he the kind who can be able to take the courage to mend things whether it’s his fault or not?
  • Does he have a plan in life and is he working courageously towards it? If he has no plan, is he the kind committed and interested in learning? Does he seek to improve his skills and take an extra mile to learn new things and skills? I can’t handle people who don’t strive to grow and be better than they were yesterday.
  • Is he a grateful person? Does He acknowledge the mercy of God? The help of others who have helped him? Is he grateful and is he able to meaningfully acknowledge help?
  • Does he take feedback? Is he able to take feedback without turning you into a bad person for giving him negative feedback and does he strive to change?
  • How does he speak of people when they are not around? It’s okay to complain once in a while about someone who has wronged you at work etc. but constantly speaking evil of someone? Noo! Does he ever acknowledge the good things even the worst his enemies could have or has done for him in his life? What is his relationship with his relatives? Even the bad ones. 
  • Now being a nice person doesn’t mean to be a push over. Can he stand up for himself respectfully without insulting others? Does he have boundaries and non-negotiables? And can he tell me the truth every single day even if it hurts?
  • Finally, does he see me? Does he even notice I am there? How well does he know my dreams? My goals. My ambitions. (This question is key because it can only mean a person listens when you talk or even when you don’t.) I know people I hardly talk to but they can recite my dreams, my hopes, things that upset me and those that bring me joy off their lips. And there are those I am close to who even after so many conversations have no slightest idea about who I am, what I hope for, what angers me and what are my dreams.

A person who truly sees you. Knows your soul because they feel it. That is the one that truly cares about you.

NB. These may seem so many things but very often you will be surprised that a good person ticks off all these boxes.

Rashida Namulondo

Rashida is a Ugandan based actress, stage director, and award-winning poet. She is the founder of the Sophie Muwanika Institute of Art for Change. A nonprofit organization that uses theatre for peace building.

Personal Relationships & The Public

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They have always advised that it is more better we keep our intimate relationships away from the public (These days, social media) because truth be told, not everyone is going to be happy about you too together and in the event that it hits some snags, there are some that are going to make the situation as dramatic as a telenovela. That is humanity. That is life. You would be saved from looking like a love failure. A life lesson for many and you’ll miss out on the peace that comes with silent relationship breakups.

But let me tell you, a relationship where people do not come up & tell you how good you are together is boring. It’s less charming. Once in a while we need to hear external minds about our relationships & from there we may learn a thing or two.

Sometimes we know less of the people who say they love us than the public or the people outside of our relationship. People that have been with them longer than we have & usually take some of their thoughts lightly until we are way in too deep a wrong relationship.

Much as we love our partners for our own selves (obviously), public interest is also very important. That’s why you’ll always find fun talking about your spouse to someone who cares to listen & usually seek advice the same way where necessary. Take relationship counsellors for example. There will always be that pride. Seeing the adoration on other people’s faces when you are talking about bae is priceless. Hearing them say how they wish theirs was like yours is unmatchable.

If your partner always endeavors to keep your relationship out of the public, including family then you’re in a tricky situation. They may be either protecting you from the haters or they’re hiding you from those that know their dark secrets.

However, you shouldn’t reveal all because this might give people who want to take you down a chance to know how to do it. Every relationship has its cracks and some people are too good or always out there looking for those cracks. The moment they land on them, the effect may be much bigger than the tsunami.

Don’t Make Her A Single Mother

This is the women’s month and Women’s Day is just around the corner so I found it wise to send them this love letter… and to the men too. This is all about us…and it children.

A woman loved a man. She loved him hard and he played the part. Her dreams were coming true. She was going to be a wife to a loving man and then have him a couple of beautiful littluns making him a father and altogether become a beautiful family.

So when he wooed her heart, she gave to him one of her most precious assets, her sexuality. You can’t blame her because she looked at this man as the perfect candidate to make a family with. Probably because, in the course of dating, he presented that dream quite too often and seriously and so a child they got for a family she hoped they would make.

The bastard instead, was just for a joy ride so once the tot was delivered, off he ran. To the hills or the valleys, across the plains or the mountains no one knew for he disappeared faster than he came into her life. Probably to spread his horn further. A heartbroken female, he left behind. A dadless child he left behind. Abandoned.

Broken heart. Shattered dreams. Hurt emotions and literally a fatherless child with a husbandless mother. She now has to fend for not only herself but for her child too. It is like it was a mistake for her to give in herself to him. Like it was her blunder to leave every other suitor for him. Such a heartless coward.

The world has never really been a cool shade for single moms. The blame they go through for having given in to a man that couldn’t commit. The promiscuous stigmatization they are given. We tend to label them being loose. We tend to pile the blame on her and turn blind to the idiot that played with her heart. That failed to act like a man and take charge of the results from his horn. The struggle they go through finding another suitor that won’t traumatize them for what happened before. Bringing it up in every argument, the insecurities, the ignoring of the child that came with her. That it’s her responsibility and that he starts from where he came into her picture.

A single mother is like a sheep in the wilderness full of wolf packs. Like Survivor Island, she has to keep up or be left behind. She lives in denial of her reality. Having to hide the child from possible suitors thinking they will jump ship once they know she got extra ‘baggage’.  Many men will think she is loose and try to gain sexual favors from her or that she is in a constant disparate need for help (which may be true) and try to get sexual in exchange for help. That is a sad reality. Hardly will any of them try to commit. Many fear that responsibility. “How can I father a child I didn’t father?” It is sad. It hurts.

Now literary alone in the world, that is if her family didn’t ignore her too because many think it is taboo for a woman to have a child and not live with its father. A shame to the family name and also if the father’s family doesn’t treat her any different, she now has to fend for school fees so that the baby gets an education, medical care, housing, food, clothes, belonging and identity, and all this while the father, the husband that was supposed to be is out there sexing other women. Probably they also know that he absconded from his parental responsibilities somewhere but what the heck, he said he loves me too so let the sista find a way to survive with her kid am moving on with the man now.

To the families that are raising the boy child, please teach that boy before he thinks he is now a man that women ought to be respected, honored, cherished, protected and loved. That sex is not everything and once they take on the sex activities, they must be ready for the consequences that come after. That live sex doesn’t give birth to a TV, car or anything but a baby and it is that child, their own seed that they’re going to subject a lot of mental torture to the moment they decide to close the door on them.

Dear player, if at all you don’t have plans of making that woman your wife then don’t make her a mother for nothing. Withdraw, wear a condom or don’t sex her at all and if at all you aren’t ready to take care of a woman and her child then stay away from single mothers. It is that simple. It is not a life she called for.

 Just as well, dear woman, not everything male that says it loves you really does so you do not have to open your legs for them without protection just because they said they love you. Let that niga take his time dating you if need bes while in that moment you’re looking out for the father figure in him. There are always red flags to look out for and yes, some things are actually worth the wait if you’re committed to looking out for the best.