Month: May 2021

The Red Flags To Flag Down

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Sometimes it’s actually in the views our partner has towards love, life & the dynamics of a relationship in general & to save yourself from such blues, lookout for some of these signs about your partner & just as well, before you go any further with a relationship, have you weighed its pros & cons?

Quite often, when a relationship goes sour, it’s when we decide to roll back the film & go through so many of the things we thought we skipped that might have led to the death of our love. Placing little markings here & there trying to put the pieces together, trying to look back into the issues that we might’ve ignored.

  • Is the relationship developmental? Is it healthy for your mental wellbeing? Does it push you two to a next level in life or it’s like sitting in a car pretending it’s moving yet it has no tyres…..where the heck are you headed?
  • Have you ever featured in any of your partner’s future plans? What plans they have for the relationship? Are your partner’s views aiming at your mutual existence? They should be telling you of their future plans in which you ought to feature. They should be talking about a family & their views should be comforting to motivate you into starting a family with them. If you’re not mentioned in any of their future plans of being together, then you ought to be scared. It’s ugly to be there teething while your partner has never mentioned you in the next chapter of their life.
  • Do they respect your feelings, privacy & decisions? Do they create an atmosphere where you’re both at the same table discussing family issues together & letting your views be implemented when they’re right without feeling threatened of your presence to the power balance in the relationship? Do you have to overly explain yourself or use force to get your view across? Are they the ‘I am always right” kind of person? How do they handle your moods? How do they argue with you or handle your insecurities?
  • Is your partner professionally helpful? Are they helping you pursue your dreams & career or they’re somewhat pulling you down? Do they feel threatened by your professional life & financial power & if so, how are you dealing with it? Do they help you in the job search? Completing assignments? Giving you time to concentrate on your work? Help you draft CVs? Or it’s all about playing sex, consuming illicit stuff & binge shopping?
  • What are their views about work? Do they expect to always be provided for or they plan on working to feed the relationship? They must be willing to work so as to provide…you’re not going to eat dirt are you?
  • What are their reaction & relationship towards the opposite sex? Are they the type that gets overly excited when they meet people of the others? How do they talk of them? How do they flirt & react to flirts? If more attention is given to others even in your presence, then be scared.
  • Is there openness in the relationship & to what level? That moment when you touch your partner’s property & they come crashing down on you like a buffalo. When you try to give them feedback & they always going offensive. What’re they insecure of? What’re they hiding & scared of?
  • Analyze their spending. Some people spend on things they don’t need, excessive partying, traveling etc. & this is a good way to go broke. What’re your partner’s views about life? Are they planning on living on the next level or they only look at living for that moment?
  • Check their saving culture. Are they saving for what’s worthy? Some people love to live for the day & forget that there’s tomorrow…that’s a lack of foresight.
  • Is your partner hanging with the right people? Those that will help push them to the next level or it’s a bunch of happy go lucky idiots whose goal is to hit all happening joints around town? Are they ones that impart constructive knowledge to your partner or feed them lies & false egos? Are they introducing them to the right people or to other potential partners? You should watch out.
  • Does he/she introduce you to the right people (family) & positive people like bosses, influential people or fellow rag tags?
  • Be wary if your partner doesn’t seem to get over their ex…You may find yourself ditched & they be back together.
  • Help yourselves either where you can; physically, emotionally or financially because in this current trend, it’s hard for one person to carry the whole relationship on their back. Remember; it’s a mutual relationship not a sexual or business partnership.

Much its things you should look out for in your partner, they may as well be the things about you so before you start questioning your partner, find out whether none of them apply to you as well. Otherwise ……Best Of Luck

The City We Walked.

There was a time when we used to walk the streets together. Hand in hand I held you like my purse. Side by side like a holster. Babe, oh, those times when we was together. Lovers. I used to cling to you like a sticker. The ones we walk past on the street lamps of Kampala, Uganda.

Now I see you on the city streets walking with another girl. On the pavements we treaded. I feel like calling out your name but I am afraid to disrupt your romantic stroll.

You & her, hand in hand, like how you used to hold mine now you hold hers while retracing our lanes like we used to, me & you. Now it’s you & her. And I remember the shops we used to go to. The restaurants we ate & dined from. Are you taking her there now? Seating her in the chair I used to? The corner I liked? The same table jokes? Fuck this small city & the familiar streets. Its habits and its traits.

I wanted to call out your name but at that moment, the traffic lights turned green as I saw my lover turning a corner with another woman.

Silence In A Relationship

Apart from saying that silence is a form of communication because by keeping silent you’re communicating that you don’t actually want to say anything, they have also added that silence is the best weapon. That is especially supported by the ladies. That gender! So many a times when the lady wants to get you tripping into confessing even the sins you did before you guys ever thought of dating each other, she’ll keep quiet & shut you out. In that process if the guy isn’t strong willed, he’ll cower & come out of his hole & talk everything that she’s hoping he would say or do things she wants him to do that she knew she would fail to get if she asked for them verbally & boy has it has always worked. The dreaded silent treatment.

Silence is surely one of the best ways to communicate that something isn’t right without even having to break a sweat trying to speak a word & works best if your partner knows how to interpret it. It has always worked & during its course, some people have broken down & confessed things that leave many dumbfounded. Yes, it’s that strong.

However, silence as a tool of communication has its negatives but which also come with solutions like;

Prolonging the silence. If you see that your partner has noticed your silence & is willing to talk then drop it, open up & voice your reasons because prolonging the silence may force the other to think that actually things are over. You may think you’re on the winning end when actually the other is starting to get over you & move on & by the time you decide to talk, it’s too late to save anything. But if they show signs of wanting you to open up & discuss the matter then drop it & state your issue because they’re human so they erred & now they want to make amends for it. You’ve achieved your goal so now it’s time to settle down & find solutions.

Your silent treatment must be for a genuine reason because since it is usually a delicate matter, misusing it & making it a common occurrence will make it lose its value & eventually you will get negative responses from your partner because there will reach a time when they’ll think you’re just playing & your target will never be resolved. That’s if your partner isn’t nagged already because of your constant demand for attention especially in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.


If you notice your partner is silent, take it slow & easy. Don’t trip all over the place like a wet chicken or lose your cool & rush to sudden conclusions before you hear what they’re silent about. You may also try to pay back & act tough yet in the meanwhile, your partner is getting frustrated & moving away due to your lack of attention to detail, pride or insensitivity & by the time you decide to act on it, they’d be half way out of your life.

Relatedly, you must as well learn to read your partner’s body language. You should be able to notice when they’re silent & how they should be treated when they’re giving the silent treatment. Some people are known to shut down when their partners are in this state & instead of both coming together to discuss the matter, they’re both competing to see who holds the record for the longest silence & in the end they end up being very frustrated love birds with unresolved issues that will keep on recurring thus leading to a very disgruntled relationship because eventually the silence turns to anger & fights.

Therefore, learn the tricks that bring your partner out of their silent cave. It may be ice cream, pizza, affection to some part, your response to her body language. You may have your secret dance, jokes or anything. In a good relationship, there are always those things that couples do only known by themselves that can create magic between the two & after they’ve shown signs of willingness to talk, sit down & give in your full attention & cooperation to the matter at hand because your indifference to a silent partner may be an indicator to your lack of desire in working out things in the relationship & if there’s no corporation between lovers especially in clearing the stumbling blocks in their relationship then what else are they living together for?

 
So, in case you’re thinking of using the silent treatment, think before, know for how long & it must be for a genuine reason. You wouldn’t want to find yourself silent in a situation where you’re totally in the wrong. Embarrassing.
Thanks for reading, stay loving. See you wedding after surviving COVID-19.

Shadray’s Top 5 Life Hacks

In life, everyone is trying out the next, nearest or easiest thing to make it through. Some go legit and others are living by the “fake it till you make it” code. As long as they get to their goals. But on your way in trying to get there, there are a number of factors I think one needs to consider;

  1. Talent/ Skill/ Hobby

I would like to carry all the above three under one basket because none is hardly different from the other. When you master one, it may just as well pass off as the other. So, to the point, it is best in life for one to have a talent. It may be a sport like soccer, athletics, chess, tennis, fencing name it. It can be passive; like reading, oratory skills etc. and these are important because;

We are never sure how life turns out. Unless of course, usually, when your parents wield a lot of power that they can influence companies, organizations or government departments to slip you in. Or maybe, they stacked up a bank account for you with all the dollars. Ching*

Talents/ skills/ hobbies can act as alternatives in case one’s education career turns out different. We have all seen footballers start their careers at early ages of life and now they’re mega-rich. Musicians like Eddy Kenzo of Uganda. dropped out of school at a very tender age, did some odd jobs until he joined the music industry, and went on to be the first and probably the last Ugandan artist to win the BET which his fellow educated counterparts haven’t done yet and probably won’t do and he is at this moment the biggest music export Uganda has.

It can be a good means to keep fit as an exercise and keeping busy. Imagine all the calories you burn while trying to extinguish your opponent.

It can be an alternative in one’s retirement days when they cannot be employed anywhere.

It can get you a job where academic qualifications are not needed and we have over a million other examples of people who have ea rned and made it in life because of how far their talents, skills or hobbies have taken them like David Beckham, Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps, Dennis Onyango Serena Williams, Adele, Beyoncé etc. therefore as much as we are pushing our children and friends or even ourselves to excel academically, we should also strive to discover, nurture and promote our talents.

However, we should not force people into it but one should discover it from within themselves because these are usually inbuilt and passion about it is a great attribute.

“Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?” ― Benjamin Franklin

2. Education

In present day, you can hardly be successful anywhere without an education. However minimal it may be. At least you should know the basics. It is thus advised that much as you have a talent or any of the above, an education must also be in tow. It is the springboard to higher positions in life because it is one of the major things they look at when you want to take up more responsible and or bigger positions and projects in life.

“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” – John Dewey

3. Social Skills

How we relate with others can also determine how we far we fare in life or the distance our life is pushed forward. Poor social skills will at times get us into more trouble and back steps than forward therefore we should teach ourselves and especially the younger generations (Millennials) on how to relate with others because the world is becoming smaller and yet one giant global village. Unless you can get along with others, everyone is going to leave you behind and no one will miss you. Friends are important because;

  • They can be there when you are sick or doing badly in life and financially.
  • When you are looking for jobs or favors.
  • In times you need company and companionship.
  • When your life is going astray they can counsel you. The list is endless.

“It doesn’t matter how many A-levels you have, what kind of a degree you have, if you have good manners, people will like you.” Kate Reardon

4. Positive Energy

Sometimes our life is controlled around what our minds think of ourselves or perceive of the things around it. In case your mind is always negative when in situations where you are faced with favor, opportunity or grace, the outcome may just well be poor because your negative mind could not give you a positive feeling therefore, we are usually advised to wake up feeling good and then also stay away from people with negative ideologies and mentalities.

Always teach your children to be and think positive or good of themselves. It will reflect in their activities and outcomes.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” — Willie Nelson

5. God

And most importantly, we cannot forget or put aside the biggest factor in our life. That is God and always putting Him first. He is the holder and provider of everything so it is best that we always put our life before Him and our trust in Him because if it wasn’t for Him who knew us even before we were born then none of everything that we are would be. Teach everyone to be religious. Pray to the Lord you believe in always. He is the alpha and the omega of everything.

“Let your life reflect the faith you have in God. Fear nothing and pray about everything. Be strong, trust God’s word, and trust the process.” ― Germany Kent

With these simple life hacks, I believe life can never go wrong, unless of course, if your fate is entirely doomed. Be blessed.  


“…..Life is a beautiful story but we’re the ones who determine it with our, Actions, Thoughts, Beliefs & Choices.” – Shadray

Save Me…

Like words in your mouth till the next time we talk to each other.

A space in your hands till we get to hold each other.

Moves in your steps till we get to dance with each other.

A kiss on your lips till the next time we kiss each other.

A place in your memory till we see each other.

A place in your heart till we meet each other.

That love…….as you & I get to champion the world…together.