Day: December 5, 2020

On Provision In A Relationship

It is always a heated topic between both genders concerning money & how it should be handled. In many societies & relationships, the woman expects the man to foot everything financial. & so in most cases, one of the leading causes of relationship failures is financial understanding (or the lack of it) –provide what.

Views presented below are a collab by Shadray, the amazing Gelax Bolaji of https://gelaxchatroom.com from Nigeria & Irene Ahumuza https://www.facebook.com/irene.ahumuza of Uganda.

Many relationships have ended especially where the female feels like the man isn’t providing enough for her well-being in every sense of the compound word. I must firstly admit, a man should provide for his woman. The society and somewhere in the Bible (check 1 Timothy 5:8) have talked about this, and when such verses were discovered by women, damn, it’s been rubbed in our faces more than they rub avocado oil in their hair. However, I say that it’s upon the woman to understand the capacities in which her man can provide and be willing to support him where possible (Proverbs 14:1), but I am sure many missed that verse.

I’m sorry but why are women fighting for equal rights, equal pays and equal everything if they’ll still come back home and expect their man to pay for everything? Isn’t that hypocrisy? I read a twitter post from a Nigerian lesbian earlier this week stating that women shouldn’t split the bill on a date with men yet. In her opinion, women should wait until the world is equal before they start sharing the tabs. I thought it was absurd.

Rome surely wasn’t built in a day. Shall we wait until we have the full tuition for a child’s years in school before enrolling him/her to study? Certainly not!

The only problem these days is that many women have used that understanding to heap all their burdens on men as if they didn’t have a life before this man came into the picture. They come into the relationship hoping to earn a living out of it like it’s some of sort of employment to love a man. They trade love for money. Imagine paying someone to love you.

Courtesy of Gelax herself

If that’s the case, then women should have no problem being objectified. After all, the reason we spend our hard-earned money on things like luxury cars, gadgets and the likes is so they can serve and/or pleasure us. He who pays the Piper dedicates the tune. Or did I quote it wrongly?

My point is, just as an employer demands that his/her employee delivers according to the contract to earn their wages, women who trade love for money must be ready to keep their end of the bargain.

With a woman having the mentality that her money is hers alone & the man’s is theirs to ‘eat’, no wonder many have landed themselves men with some change to spare but who are quick to use it to fuck & dump them. (Sorry for the French, I am usually English.) But if at all she’s not comfortable with what the man can offer, then she should let it be known & walk away. Keeping around, wasting his time with false hope is a double damage.

It so happens that when the man runs out of funds, he resorts to bailing out of her life, leaving her to cater for the kid(s) by herself because she forgot to acknowledge that a relationship should be a mutual, romantic partnership & not a moneymaking venture. This is not to excuse such men for neglecting their responsibilities, but what do you expect of someone who you only chose to be your poverty eradication scheme or escape plan?

Such men can tell when a woman is only using them and that’s why they, in turn, use their money to get her into their bed just to eat her coochie and dump her. After all, it was an unspoken but well understood business transaction.

Personally, I have no problem with a man providing in a relationship because that’s how things have always been done & that’s what I’ve always told guys; invest in your relationship but it’s only wiser to invest in one where the lady is understanding & supportive. Otherwise, you’ll be crying foul that women are thieves.

However, if we are sticking to how things have always been done, then I’m sorry, but we won’t, can’t and shouldn’t expect any change. And as such, movements like the fight against inequality, racism, discrimination, the rights of the LGBTQIA, and even democracy should be rendered null and void. Don’t ask that men keep taking care of your bills while asking for equal pay. It just doesn’t add up!

Do you know there are girlfriends who expect and demand to be paid on a monthly basis for being… Oh well, girlfriend! And that doesn’t even stop them from requesting for funds to buy bone-straight hairs, red bottom shoes and Fenty beauty products. Eish!

Anyways, relationships have evolved greatly these days especially due to the stretch created by the financial situations. The days of our parents where a man used to marry a woman and keep her at home are long gone. These days women are working too and men are keen on knowing what the woman he wants to make a wife is doing before getting to the ring part. No room for excess, dependent baggage. That’s a C+ for change and I’m so here for it!

Irene, one of my friends whom I am trying to inspire into blogging, had this to say about the topic at hand, “Quite a piece. Do I believe that a relationship is a partnership? Yes hundred percent. But, I believe you can only partner with a person who wants you in their life, someone who sees you as an asset, someone that encourages your initiative, listens to your views, and if they are practical enough, puts them into practice. A man’s money can never be enough and no one can provide for your needs 100 percent. That’s why we as women have to work to complement our men”.

However, let’s not forget there are those men that want their wives to stay home, mind the kids, cook, clean, etc. Such men view their wives getting jobs as a threat to their marriage or relationship, often citing excuses such as other men hitting on her.

The truth is, there are some patriarchal princesses who are pretty cool with this arrangement and really, no one is judging them. I have a friend who just wants to marry a rich man, pop out a few babies, kick back and enjoy her husband’s riches. To each his own.

But such men will provide only the bare necessities while she stays at home growing old, bored & fat before he even realizes. When this happens he will jump out of the relationship or marriage & settle for a younger, hotter chic. Such men exist and as women we need to stay clear of them. Let’s choose partners that want to see us grow & prosper together. Let’s choose partners that encourage us, push us to be our best selves & want to work with us to see our progress together as a family. There is a lot I can write about this but from the financial point of view, this is it for now. Next time I will write about complimenting each other by encouraging & pushing for your partner to be better.

Special thanks to the ladies I worked with on this piece & please do check out their works on the links embedded in this post.